作文批改

In recent times, it's been noticeable. surge in discussions surrounding "no smoking in public place ". From my vantage point, no smoking in public place plays a very important role in our lives. Firstly,no smoking in public place can significantly enhance one's lifespan and enhances immunity, this fortifying the body against various diseases. For example, jogging and swimming. Moreover, no smoking has the ability to improve our quality of life by promoting mental well-being. This makes sport a meaningful full endeavor that contributes to self-worth and personal fulfillment. Last but not least, no smoking serves as a powerful medium for social interaction and friendship building. Considering the points raised above, it is clear that ultimately no smoking in pulic place is important, helpful and absolutely necessary.

Thank you for submitting your composition. Here is the feedback based on the given criteria:

1) **Content:**
- You've attempted to discuss the importance of "no smoking in public places," but there seems to be confusion in the points raised. The examples like "jogging and swimming" do not directly relate to the topic of smoking.
- The essay lacks a specific focus on why no smoking in public places is beneficial, such as its impact on health, environment, or societal norms.
- Key content points regarding the advantages of non-smoking policies are not fully addressed.

2) **Structure:**
- The essay starts with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and concludes with a summary, which is a good basic structure.
- However, linking words and cohesive devices could be used more effectively to connect ideas throughout the text.

3) **Language Use:**
- Vocabulary use is somewhat appropriate, but there is room for improvement in terms of using more precise language related to smoking and public health.
- There are several grammatical errors, such as missing articles ("a surge"), awkward phrasing ("this fortifying"), incorrect word usage ("enhance one's lifespan and enhances immunity"), and some spelling mistakes ("pulic" instead of "public").
- The expression could be clearer. For instance, "This makes sport a meaningful full endeavor" does not pertain to the subject matter of the essay.

4) **Suggestions for Improvement:**
- Ensure clarity of topic and relevance of examples; focus more on direct effects of smoking bans in public places.
- Enhance grammatical accuracy and check for spelling errors.
- Improve coherence by utilizing transitional phrases to logically sequence thoughts.
- Reflect on the broader implications of no smoking policies, such as environmental benefits and public health improvements, to fulfill the task requirements more comprehensively.

**Overall Score:** Given the current submission, it falls within the fourth band (7-12 points), as it partially fulfills the task, but lacks clarity and direct relevance to the topic.

Consider revising with these suggestions to elevate the discussion and accuracy of language use.