In the holiday

In recent times, there's been a noticeable surge in discussions surrounding “An Unforgettable Holiday”. From my vantage point, there's absolutely no doubt that my unforgettable holiday was going to Dalian .Let me outline the reasons behind my belief.
First and foremost, it's worth noting that I could easily find an array of fresh and delectable seafood offerings ,such as succulent grilled fish, mouthwatering shrimp dishes, and freshly shucked oysters. This stems from the underlying reason that Dalian stands out as a breathtaking coastal city. ）. Furthermore, it becomes readily apparent that Dalian is an ideal destination for a holiday getaway , primarily because the weather and climate consistently prove to be delightful and the people here are super nice and welcoming to visitors）
Considering the points raised above, it's clear that（I had an unforgettable holiday when I went to Dalian ）. Ultimately, (nice people in Dalian) serve as the conclusive evidence supporting this standpoint.

This piece falls into the category of a personal narrative or descriptive essay about an unforgettable holiday. Here is my evaluation based on the provided criteria:

### Score: 19-24 (Second Tier)

#### Content and Structure
- **Content**: The essay clearly addresses the topic of an unforgettable holiday, focusing on the experience in Dalian. It mentions the key reasons why the trip was memorable, such as the seafood and friendly people.
  
- **Structure**: The essay provides an introduction, supporting arguments, and a conclusion. However, the use of parentheses is unconventional for formal writing and disrupts the flow of the essay. This could be improved by integrating those parenthetical comments smoothly into the text.

#### Language Use
- **Grammar and Syntax**: The language is generally correct, but there are a few awkward phrases and unnecessary complexities, such as "from my vantage point" which could be simplified. Similarly, some sentences feel slightly repetitive or circular, such as the repeated mention of Dalian being ideal due to its weather and people's friendliness.

- **Vocabulary**: The vocabulary is varied but could be enhanced by avoiding repetition (e.g., repeating the phrase "nice people") and employing more descriptive language to better convey the vividness of the experiences.

#### Suggestions for Improvement
1. **Remove Parentheses**: Instead of using parentheses, integrate those thoughts into the main sentences to improve the coherence of the essay.
   
2. **Enhance Descriptive Language**: Provide more personal anecdotes or specific details about the experiences in Dalian to make the narrative more engaging and vivid.

3. **Avoid Repetition**: Rephrase sentences to avoid repeating the same ideas or terms within close proximity.

4. **Simplify Complex Phrases**: Use simpler, more direct language to replace overly complex phrases. For example, instead of saying "from my vantage point," simply state your perspective directly.

By addressing these areas, the essay can be elevated to the first tier, achieving a score of 25-30.

回复中文

Maggie0126 发表于 2025-04-09 20:17
回复中文

这篇作文属于个人叙述或描述性文章，主题是关于一次难忘的假期。根据评分标准，我给出的评价如下：

### 得分：19-24分（第二档）

#### 内容和结构
- **内容**：文章明确地围绕难忘的假期这个主题，重点描述了在大连的经历，提到了海鲜和友好的人等关键原因。
  
- **结构**：文章包括引言、支持论点和结论。然而，括号的使用在正式写作中不太常见，打断了文章的流畅性。可以通过将括号中的内容更自然地融入到正文中来改进。

#### 语言运用
- **语法和句法**：语言大体正确，但有一些不太自然的短语和不必要的复杂表达，例如“from my vantage point”可以简化。此外，某些句子略显重复，如多次提到大连因天气和友好的人而理想。

- **词汇**：词汇多样，但可通过避免重复（例如，“nice people”一词的重复）和使用更具描述性的语言来更好地传达体验的生动性。

#### 改进建议
1. **移除括号**：不使用括号，而将这些想法融入主要句子中，以提高文章的连贯性。
   
2. **增强描述性语言**：提供更多个人的轶事或具体细节，以使叙述更加吸引人和生动。

3. **避免重复**：改写句子以避免在相近位置重复相同的想法或术语。

4. **简化复杂短语**：使用更简单、更直接的语言替代过于复杂的短语。例如，可以直接表达你的观点，而不是使用“from my vantage point”。

通过上述改进，文章可以提升到第一档，获得25-30分。