作文批改

My hobby is playing basketball. It's so much fun! I started playing it when I was in Grade 7. I love it because it makes me stronger and healthier. Every time I play, I run, jump, and shoot, which is great exercise. Also, playing basketball helps me make new friends. We work together as a team and encourage each other. Besides, it teaches me how to face difficulties. When we lose a game, we don't give up. Instead, we practice harder to win the next time. Basketball brings so much joy to my life!

**作文评分：第二档 21分**

**评分依据：**  
1. **内容要点**：文章涵盖了所有关键内容要点（开始时间、健康益处、社交、团队合作、面对困难），表达清晰。  
2. **篇章结构**：段落分明，有开头引入、中间分点论述和结尾总结，但段落间过渡较生硬，缺乏连接词（如“Additionally”“Moreover”）。  
3. **语言运用**：语法和词汇基本正确，但句式较简单，存在重复表达（如频繁使用“playing basketball”），可增加词汇多样性。

**不足之处及批改建议：**  
1. **句式单一**：  
   - 原文：*I love it because it makes me stronger and healthier.*  
   - 建议：*What I cherish most about basketball is its ability to boost both my physical strength and overall well-being.*  
   - **说明**：通过名词性从句和高级词汇（cherish, boost, well-being）提升句子的复杂度。  

2. **词汇重复**：  
   - 原文多次使用“playing basketball”，可替换为“the sport”“this activity”或“it”。  
   - 例如：*Besides, it teaches me...* → *Furthermore, the sport instills in me...*  

3. **衔接生硬**：  
   - 添加过渡词增强逻辑，如：  
     - *Also* → *Additionally,*  
     - *Besides* → *Moreover,*  
     - *Instead* → *On the contrary,*  

4. **细节扩展**：  
   - 原文：*When we lose a game, we don’t give up.*  
   - 建议：*Despite occasional defeats, our team views losses as opportunities to analyze strategies and refine our skills.*  
   - **说明**：通过具体描述（analyze strategies, refine skills）增强内容深度。

**优化后段落示例：**  
*Engaging in basketball since seventh grade, I have discovered its profound impact on my life. Not only does it strengthen my body through dynamic movements like sprinting and jumping, but it also fosters meaningful connections. On the court, teamwork becomes second nature; we collaborate seamlessly, cheering each other on through every challenge. Moreover, the sport has taught me resilience—when defeated, we reflect on our performance and strive for improvement. Ultimately, basketball is more than a hobby; it is a source of growth and joy.*  

**总结**：文章基础扎实，但需通过丰富句式、多样化词汇和增强衔接来提升语言表现力，从而向第一档（25-30分）迈进。