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Dear Mike

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2929 |1
山高人为峰 发表于 2024-10-23 01:34 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Dear Mike:
I heard that you will visit my hometown recentiy.I feel is very happy.there is usually a gently wind in the afternoon these day.
It is important to be safe,you should take care of your belonging and by official transport.it is going to be sunny these day,so you can bring some light and comfortable clothes along with you.the local people are very friendly and kind.you can enjoy many kinds of delicious food.
I wish you and your family good health and happiness.I am looking forward to meeting you.

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王艳 发表于 2024-10-23 01:35 | 显示全部楼层
This essay falls into the third or fourth band, given its completion of the prescribed task with considerable room for improvement.

**Score: 12-18**

**Strengths:**
1. The letter clearly conveys the main message; the writer is excited about Mike's visit and offers advice for his stay.
2. The writer manages to include details about the local weather and gives practical advice regarding clothing and transport.

**Areas for Improvement:**
1. **Grammar and Syntax:** There are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the message, such as "I feel is very happy" which should be "I am very happy."
   - "recentiy" should be corrected to "recently."
   - "there is usually a gently wind" should be corrected to "there is usually a gentle wind."

2. **Punctuation and Capitalization:**
   - Start with "Dear Mike," followed by a colon instead of writing it twice.
   - Sentences should begin with a capital letter, such as "There" instead of "there."
   - Use periods at the end of complete sentences to help with readability.

3. **Vocabulary and Word Choice:**
   - Instead of "by official transport," consider rephrasing to something clearer like "use official transportation."
   - The phrase "these day" should be "these days."

4. **Structure and Coherence:**
   - The letter could benefit from clearer paragraph structure. Each main point, like discussing the weather, safety tips, and local culture, could be separated into distinct paragraphs.
   - The flow of ideas can be improved by using transitional words or phrases.

5. **Tone and Style:**
   - Consider adding a warmer closing statement, such as "Best wishes" followed by your name, for a more polished ending.

**Revision Suggestion:**

  1. Dear Mike,

  2. I heard that you will visit my hometown soon, and I am very happy about it. We usually have a gentle wind in the afternoons these days.

  3. It is important to stay safe, so please take care of your belongings and use official transportation. The weather is expected to be sunny during your visit, so I suggest bringing some light and comfortable clothes. The local people are very friendly and kind, and you can enjoy many delicious foods here.

  4. I wish you and your family good health and happiness. I am looking forward to meeting you.

  5. Best wishes,
  6. [Your Name]
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