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作文批改:你的美国朋友Mike要去你的家乡旅游

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sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-20 21:14 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Dear Mike:

    I heard that you will be visiting my hometown soon and my parents are also excited to sww you . I am certain that you will enjoy every minute of your time here.
   Let me tell you abiut the weather recetly. The weather here is warm and sunny, so you won`t need to pack a lot of clothes. A coat will be ok.
   There are few things you should keep in mind during your visit. Please take good care of your belongings and use official transporation for your saftey. It would be a great idea to bring a camera as well because there are lots of historical and beautiful places in my hometown that you might want to take photo.Besides if you are interested in climbing mountain, please remeber to bring sportswear and  sneakers.
   I am looking forward to meeting you!
                                    Best Regards!
                                      Li Ke
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-20 21:14 | 显示全部楼层
### 评分依据

根据提供的评分标准,我将对这篇作文进行批改和打分。

### 总体评价

- **内容要点**:文章涵盖了朋友来访时的重要信息,如天气、准备事项及注意事项。基本上完成了任务要求。
- **篇章结构**:信件格式正确,段落清晰,逻辑顺畅。
- **语言运用**:词汇和语法基本准确,但存在一些拼写错误和小语法问题。

### 优点

1. 文章结构合理,信息传递清晰。
2. 提供了实用的信息,如天气情况和旅游建议。
3. 以友好的语气写成,适合书信体裁。

### 不足与建议

1. **拼写错误**:
   - "sww" 应为 "see"
   - "abiut" 应为 "about"
   - "recetly" 应为 "recently"
   - "transporation" 应为 "transportation"
   - "saftey" 应为 "safety"
   - "photo" 后应为复数形式 "photos"
   - "remeber" 应为 "remember"

2. **语法和表达**:
   - “A coat will be ok.” 可以改为“A light jacket will suffice.”
   - “Besides if you are interested in climbing mountain” 可以改为“Besides, if you are interested in climbing mountains,” 需要在“Besides”后加逗号,并使用复数形式的“mountains”。

3. **标点符号**:
   - 最后一段的结尾部分,“Best Regards!”中不需要感叹号,用逗号更合适。

### 评分

根据以上分析,这篇作文可以划分到第二档,即19-24分。考虑表达基本清晰,但因拼写和小语法问题,推荐得分为22分。可在词汇和语法准确性上进一步提高。
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2024-10-20 21:15 | 显示全部楼层
在我作文的基础进行修改
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-20 21:15 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-20 21:15
在我作文的基础进行修改


Certainly! Here's a revised version of your letter:

---

Dear Mike,

I heard that you will be visiting my hometown soon, and my parents are also excited to see you. I am certain that you will enjoy every minute of your time here.

Let me tell you about the weather recently. It's warm and sunny, so you won’t need to pack a lot of clothes. A light jacket will suffice.

There are a few things you should keep in mind during your visit. Please take good care of your belongings and use official transportation for your safety. It would be a great idea to bring a camera because there are lots of historical and beautiful places in my hometown that you might want to take photos of. Besides, if you are interested in climbing mountains, please remember to bring sportswear and sneakers.

I am looking forward to meeting you!

Best regards,  
Li Ke

---

I've corrected the spelling errors, made slight adjustments for clarity, and improved punctuation use.
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2024-10-20 21:34 | 显示全部楼层
you might want to take photos of  
该句话语法是否有错?
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-20 21:34 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-20 21:34
you might want to take photos of  
该句话语法是否 ...


该句语法没有错误。不过为了提升流畅度,可以改成:

“...places in my hometown where you might want to take photos.”
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