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Uncivilized Behaviors in Society

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4514 |1
黄金城SA 发表于 2024-10-17 15:52 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
        It is well known that uncivilized behaviors in society is very important in our lives.As a matter of fact, civilized behaviors in society is good for us in many ways.So I think have some uncivilized behaviors in society in our daily.For example,waste water resource,and so on.Here are the reasons we should do things.
        Saving water is very necessary.First of all,we should reduce waste water resource.In addition,the government should make some laws to save waster resource and improve people health.Last but not least,the government should encourage people plant more trees to prevent the environment.
         As a result,as far as I am concerned,I think save water resource is very important,helpful and absolutely necessary.
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-17 15:52 | 显示全部楼层
This essay falls into the fourth category with a score of 8 out of 30. Here are some reasons for this rating, along with suggestions for improvement:

1. **Content and Clarity (Score: 3/10)**
   - The topic suggests a focus on uncivilized behaviors; however, the essay primarily discusses water conservation, which is only one aspect.
   - Key elements related to uncivilized behaviors other than waste of water resources are missing.

2. **Organization (Score: 2/5)**
   - The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should define "uncivilized behaviors" and set the stage for the discussion.
   - Ideas are not well-organized. There should be a logical progression from identifying the issue to suggesting solutions.

3. **Language Use (Score: 3/15)**
   - The essay contains numerous grammatical errors. For example, "have some uncivilized behaviors" should be "experience some uncivilized behaviors."
   - Phrases like "save waster resource" should be corrected to "save water resources."
   - Expression needs to be improved, such as changing "the government should encourage people plant more trees to prevent the environment" to "the government should encourage people to plant more trees to protect the environment."

4. **Suggestions for Improvement:**
   - **Expand on the Topic:** Include other examples of uncivilized behaviors, such as littering, noise pollution, or public disorder.
   - **Improve Language Accuracy:** Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct the misuse of words. Proofread for grammar errors.
   - **Clear Structure:** Start with an introduction that clearly defines uncivilized behaviors, provide multiple examples, discuss the impact, and conclude with solutions.
   - **Use Connectors:** Employ transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas, such as "for instance," "in addition," and "consequently."

With these improvements, the essay can better address the task and communicate its points more effectively.
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