E-books or paper books 作品批改

E-books or paper books
It is well-known that reading plays a very important role in our lives.Some people want to use e-books. Others want to use paper books. As for me, I prefer to using paper books.
As far as paper books are concered,the advantages lie in enjoyment that real reading bring us, which means not only can we make notes in the real books , but also we can preserve them as long as possible.Paper books are compared with e-books, and paper books are expensive. But in my opinion, it makes easier for me .
In the eyes of me, though e-books are attractive, I prefer paper books .They can calm me down, and keep track of my real feelings. It is important that they don't have any radition.

This essay falls within the second to third band of the scoring standard.

1. **Content & Structure:**

   - The essay presents a clear preference for paper books over e-books, providing reasons such as enjoyment, the ability to make notes, preservation, and avoiding radiation.
   - While it touches on multiple advantages of paper books and mentions the attractiveness of e-books, the arguments are somewhat repetitive and could be more convincingly structured.
   - The essay lacks a strong conclusion or summary of the main points.

2. **Language Use:**

   - There is a repetitive use of phrases like "as for me" and "in the eyes of me" which could be varied for better readability.
   - The sentence structure is relatively simple, and there is room for more complex sentences to express ideas more effectively.
   - Some grammatical errors are present, such as "I prefer to using" which should be "I prefer to use", and "concered" should be "concerned."

3. **Grammar & Vocabulary:**

   - Some spelling mistakes, for instance, "radition" should be "radiation."
   - The vocabulary is basic, and there is a lot of room for using more varied and sophisticated words to convey the argument.
   - More cohesive devices could be used to link paragraphs and ideas smoothly.

4. **Suggestions for Improvement:**

   - Enhance the introduction by stating the purpose more clearly and providing a brief overview of the points to be discussed.
   - Develop more balanced arguments for both e-books and paper books, then conclude with a personal preference.
   - Improve grammar by careful proofreading to eliminate errors and enhance clarity.
   - Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to strengthen the expression of ideas.
   - Include a concluding paragraph that summarizes the key points and reiterates your preference.

Overall Score: 15/30

请将你回复的内容进行翻译

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-16 20:20
请将你回复的内容进行翻译

这篇作文属于评分标准中的第二到第三档次。

1. **内容与结构：**

   - 这篇作文明确表达了对纸质书籍相对于电子书的偏好，提供了理由如享受、做笔记的能力、保存以及避免辐射。
   - 虽然提到了纸质书的多个优点，也提及了电子书的吸引力，但论点略显重复，结构可以更加有说服力。
   - 作文缺乏一个强有力的结论或总结。

2. **语言运用：**

   - 作文中多次重复使用“as for me”和“in the eyes of me”这样的短语，可以通过变换表达来提高可读性。
   - 句子结构相对简单，可以使用更复杂的句子来更有效地表达想法。
   - 存在一些语法错误，比如“ I prefer to using”应该是“I prefer to use”，以及“concered”应该是“concerned”。

3. **语法和词汇：**

   - 一些拼写错误，例如，“radition”应该是“radiation”。
   - 词汇较为基础，有很大空间可以使用更多样和复杂的词汇来传达论点。
   - 可以使用更多连接词以平滑地连接段落和观点。

4. **改进建议：**

   - 增强引言部分，更明确地陈述目的，并简要概述要讨论的要点。
   - 更均衡地发展电子书和纸质书的论点，然后得出个人偏好的结论。
   - 通过仔细校对来改进语法，以消除错误并提高清晰度。
   - 使用更丰富的词汇和复杂的句子结构以增强观点的表达。
   - 包括一个总结段落，总结关键点并重申您的偏好。

总体评分：15/30

在我作文的基础上进行修改

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-16 20:21
在我作文的基础上进行修改

Certainly! Below is a revised version of your essay with improvements in clarity, structure, and language use:

---

**E-books or Paper Books**

Reading plays an essential role in our lives, and many people debate whether e-books or paper books are the better choice. Personally, I prefer paper books for several reasons.

First, the tangible experience that paper books offer enhances the joy of reading. Not only can we make notes and highlight important passages, but we can also cherish and preserve them for as long as possible. While paper books might be more expensive compared to e-books, I find they provide a more satisfying reading experience.

On the other hand, e-books have their advantages, such as portability and easy access to a vast library. However, for me, paper books have a unique ability to calm my mind and help me connect with my true feelings. Additionally, they do not emit radiation, which makes them a healthier option for prolonged use.

In conclusion, while e-books present certain benefits, the comfort, authenticity, and health advantages of paper books make them my preferred choice. Everyone has their own preferences, but for those who value the traditional reading experience, paper books remain unparalleled.

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This revision enhances the original essay by organizing ideas more effectively, adding a balanced discussion of both options, improving grammar and vocabulary, and providing a conclusive summary.

在你修改的作品中，进行精简，字数100个词语左右

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-16 20:23
在你修改的作品中，进行精简，字数100个词语左右 ...

Certainly! Here's a more concise version of the essay, approximately 100 words:

---

**E-books or Paper Books**

Reading is vital in our lives, sparking debate over choosing e-books or paper books. Personally, I favor paper books for their tangible experience and enduring charm. They allow note-taking and highlighting, offering a more satisfying reading journey, despite being pricier than e-books.

While e-books are portable and provide easy access to numerous titles, paper books uniquely calm my mind and help me connect with my feelings. They also avoid the radiation concerns of electronic devices.

In conclusion, although e-books have advantages, the authenticity and comfort of paper books make them my preferred choice for a fulfilling reading experience.

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This version captures your main points while remaining concise.