My hobby

It is well known that hobby is very important in our lives.As a matter of fact, hobby is good for us in many ways.As for me, my hobby is playing football.Here are the reasons.
First of all, playing football can help me build up my body.Everyone wants to live healthy in the world.In addition, playing football can make my heart beat faster and make me stronger. What's more, playing football is good for my sleep at night. Last but not least, playing football can make me happy, I can make friends when playing football, which riches my social life.
As a result, as far as I am concerned, my hobby is playing football. Playing football is important, helpful and absolutely necessary.

This essay will be evaluated based on the previously provided scoring criteria, focusing on content, structure, and language usage.

**Score: 20/30 (Second Tier)**

**Content and Structure:**
- The essay clearly states the hobby and provides several reasons why playing football is beneficial, which effectively covers most of the required points.
- However, the introductory paragraph could be more engaging with a hook or personal anecdote to draw in the reader.
- The conclusion summarizes the key points but could be stronger by possibly reflecting on how this hobby has personally impacted your life or future aspirations related to it.

**Language and Grammar:**
- The language used is generally clear and understandable, though there are some areas that need improvement for higher fluency. For example:
  - "Everyone wants to live healthy in the world." could be improved to "Everyone wants to live a healthy life."
  - "which riches my social life" should be "which enriches my social life."
- Some sentences are somewhat repetitive. Using a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary would enhance the essay's quality.
  
**Suggestions for Improvement:**
1. **Introductory Paragraph:** Start with a strong hook or personal story to captivate the reader. Consider discussing how you discovered your interest in football or an inspiring moment that cemented it as your favorite hobby.
   
2. **Expand on Ideas:** While you mention the benefits of playing football, adding specific examples or experiences that illustrate these points would make the essay more compelling.

3. **Vocabulary:** Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a strong command of the language.

4. **Error Correction:** Ensure correct grammar and word choice, such as correcting "riches" to "enriches."

By addressing these areas, the essay could potentially reach a higher tier in scoring.