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Summer holiday is coming

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3466 |1
夏天 发表于 2024-9-16 16:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
today,Summer holiday is coming,many students want to travelling anther city.so I have some advise to tell you.
Firstly,when summer holiday is coming,we tell my parent that some idea.because,their may be not have some times.don't accompany you.Next,make a plan,exlamp,my summer holiday is to my home city,the time is sunday then go to home city.that with my mother and father.Finally,using you plan not only interest and happiness but also help your family bring healthy.are you ok?
陶果果 发表于 2024-9-16 16:16 | 显示全部楼层
评分:7-12分

评语:
你的作文基本上完成了一部分试题规定的任务,但还有很多需要改进的地方。以下是一些具体的意见和建议:

1. 内容要点方面:
- 你提到了暑假来临、告知父母以及制定计划等内容,这些是较为基本的要点,但表达不够清楚,可能会影响读者理解。

2. 篇章结构方面:
- 整体结构有些混乱,缺乏段落之间的逻辑连接。
- 建议在开头引入主题,然后按顺序阐述每个要点,最后总结或给出结论。

3. 语言运用方面:
- 拼写和语法错误较多,例如"travelling anther city"应为"traveling to another city"。
- 句子结构不够完整和准确,比如"tell my parent that some idea"应改为"tell my parents about my plans"。
- 使用的词汇较为单调,可以尝试使用更多样化的词汇和短语。

详细改进建议:
1. 修正拼写和语法错误:
   - summer holiday → Summer holiday
   - travelling anther city → traveling to another city
   - advise → advice
   - tell my parent → tell my parents
   - Their may be not have some times → They may not have time
   - exlamp → for example
   - using you plan → using your plan
   - are you ok? → Are you okay?

2. 改进句子结构:
   - Today, summer holiday is coming; many students want to travel to another city. So, I have some advice for you.
   - Firstly, when the summer holiday comes, we should tell our parents about our ideas because they might not have time to accompany us.
   - Next, make a plan. For example, my plan for summer holiday is to visit my home city on Sunday with my mother and father.
   - Finally, following your plan will not only bring interest and happiness but also help your family stay healthy. Are you okay with that?

3. 提高文章连贯性:
   - 开头引入:The summer holiday is a much-anticipated time for students. Many of us are excited to explore new cities and enjoy a break from school.
   - 提示与家人沟通的重要性:It is important to talk to our parents first because they need to know about our plans and might want to join us.
   - 制定计划的重要性:Having a clear plan ensures that we have a fun and organized holiday.
   - 总结:By planning well, we can have a memorable and enjoyable summer holiday with our families.

根据以上修正,重新整理后的范文如下:

---

The summer holiday is a much-anticipated time for students. Many of us are excited to explore new cities and enjoy a break from school. So, I have some advice to share with you.

Firstly, when the summer holiday comes, we should tell our parents about our ideas because they might not have time to accompany us if we don't inform them in advance. Good communication ensures that our plans can be aligned with theirs.

Next, make a detailed plan. For example, my plan for this summer holiday is to visit my home city on Sunday with my mother and father. A clear plan helps in organizing the trip better and making it more enjoyable.

Finally, following your plan will not only bring interest and happiness but also help your family stay healthy as you spend quality time together. Are you okay with that?

By planning well, we can have a memorable and enjoyable summer holiday with our families.
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