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3670 |1
黄金城SA 发表于 2024-9-11 18:55 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Online shopping has become more and more very popular in our daily life.Nowadays many people choose online shopping improve them lifestyle.You can learn something on the internet as well as on the book,etc.
    I am interested in online shopping and I really enjoy it.Because it brings us a lot of happiness.For example,it not only helps us improve our quality of life but also brings us a lot of convenience.what's more,it makes our life very meaningful.In addition,we can buy different kinds of things online,and it can allows our choose things ourselves like,so I find it is very much.
    So, campared to other mathods,I prefer online shopping.
陶果果 发表于 2024-9-11 18:56 | 显示全部楼层
**评分**

根据评分标准,该作文的评分应定在第三档(13-18分)。

**理由**

1. **内容要点**:
   - 作文表达了关键内容要点,如在线购物的受欢迎程度、个人观点和原因。
   - 然而,部分句子有些未能清楚地表达,例如 "You can learn something on the internet as well as on the book,etc." 这一句在上下文中显得脱节。

2. **语法结构和词汇**:
   - 作文使用了一些基本的语法结构和词汇,能够勉强满足任务的最低要求。
   - 存在多处语法和词汇错误,例如 "improve them lifestyle", "allows our choose things ourselves like", "campared to other mathods" 等。
   
3. **语言运用**:
   - 存在一些语言错误,但基本不影响理解。部分错误使句子显得不自然或难以理解,但大体意思仍可把握。

**具体建议**

1. **改进拼写和语法**:
   - "more and more very popular" 应该简化为 "more and more popular"。
   - "improve them lifestyle" 应改为 "improve their lifestyle"。
   - "it can allows our choose things ourselves like" 应改为 "it allows us to choose things we like".
   - "campared to other mathods" 应改为 "compared to other methods".

2. **增强连贯性和清晰度**:
   - 第一句可以改成: "Online shopping has become increasingly popular in our daily lives."
   - 第二段可以改成: "I am interested in online shopping and I really enjoy it because it brings us a lot of happiness. For example, it not only helps us improve our quality of life but also brings us a lot of convenience. What's more, it makes our life very meaningful. In addition, we can buy different kinds of things online, and it allows us to choose items ourselves. Therefore, I find it very enjoyable."

3. **增加具体例子和论证**:
   - 增加一些具体的例子和细节来支持你的观点,例如介绍一些你在线购物获得的便利和喜悦。

综上所述,这篇作文需要进行拼写、语法和表达方式上的调整,以提高其整体质量,并更清晰地传达观点。
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