评分：12分（第四档）
## 点评
这篇作文基本完成了一部分试题规定的任务，但存在多处语法错误、拼写错误以及结构问题，影响了理解。文章表达了参与志愿活动的主要内容，但措辞和句子结构较为单调，且未能清晰地表达所有要点。
## 详细问题
1. **语法错误**：
- "I am wreting" 应为 "I am writing"。
- "I joined a volunter activity which reganized by mine community" 应改为 "I joined a volunteer activity which was organized by my community"。
- "choiced" 应为 "chose"。
- "told", "taught" 和 "did" 的过去式应改正。
- "does many significant things" 应为 "many significant things"。
- "wash clouthes" 应为 "wash clothes"。
2. **表达不清晰**：
- "felt happy extremely" 应为 "felt extremely happy"。
- "company each other" 应为 "accompany each other" 或 "spend time with each other"。
- "called all parents company this baby as more as imporsible" 意图不明确，建议改为 "I urge all parents to spend as much time with their children as possible"。
3. **拼写错误**：
- "volunter" 应为 "volunteer"。
- "reganized" 应为 "organized"。
- "clouthes" 应为 "clothes"。
- "imporsible" 应为 "possible"。
- "senserly" 应为 "sincerely"。
4. **标点和格式问题**：
- 缺少逗号和句号。
- “Firstly,”、“So”和其他句首需要用逗号。
- 整体段落结构可以更好地组织。
## 批改建议
- Dear Tom,
- I am writing to tell you about a volunteer activity that I joined, which was organized by my community during this summer holiday. I will share my thoughts about this experience with you.
- Firstly, I want to say that I like children very much. So I chose a children's home as a volunteer and I felt extremely happy. Not only did I tell wonderful stories to these lovely children, but I also taught them many significant things. For example, washing clothes, doing homework, cleaning the floor, and so on.
- Indeed, I felt happy with these children. Additionally, I considered them as my younger brothers and sisters. We taught each other and learned valuable lessons such as cooperation, happiness, and so on. So I think it is important to accompany each other. I urge all parents to spend as much time with their children as possible.
- Looking forward to your reply!
- Your sincerely,
- Li Ke
## 总结
该作文需要在语法、拼写、句子结构和表达清晰度方面进行改进，以便更好地传达信息。如果解决了上述问题，得分将会大幅提升。 |
考前冲刺
