作文批改及评分

Nowadays, a growing number of people are living a stressful life. Although stress seems to be a normal part in our life, too much stress may lead to depression,unhappiness,and even mental health issues.Therefore,it’s quite essential for us to change the situation.From my perspective,it is undoubtedly that take up a hobby one of the keys to reduce stress,especially doing sports and reading books.The reasons why I believe so are listed as below.
The first point that I want to mention is that we can take up a hobby to distract ourselves from the anxieties, such as doing sports,reading books and so on. and this because focusing on one thing can clam us down.Secondly talking about our daily life and work to others can also help us share our troubles which is because make us feel relaxed completely.last but not the least,only when we are healthy and energetic can we become prepared for any hard task in our daily lives.
In a word, from what i mention above,we can easily come to the conclusion that take up a hobby to reduce our stress it is significant for us to cope with pressure correctly.As long as we have our own appropriate ways,stressful situations can certainly be dealt with.

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

I would rate this essay in the second band, between 19-24 points.

The essay covers the main points adequately, discussing the importance of taking up a hobby to reduce stress. However, there are several areas that need improvement.

Firstly, the essay lacks coherence and organization. The ideas are not presented in a logical order, and the transitions between paragraphs are weak. It would be better to start with an introduction that introduces the topic of stress and its negative effects, then move on to discussing the benefits of hobbies in reducing stress.

Secondly, the language use is basic and lacks variety. There are some grammatical errors (e.g. "clam" instead of "calm", "make us feel relaxed completely" should be "make us feel completely relaxed"), and the sentence structure is repetitive. It would benefit from more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary.

Lastly, the essay lacks supporting details and examples. It would be more persuasive if the writer provided specific examples of how sports or reading books have helped them or others in reducing stress. Additionally, citing research or studies on the benefits of hobbies in stress reduction would strengthen the argument.

In conclusion, while the essay addresses the main points, it lacks coherence, language variety, and supporting details. With some revisions and improvements in these areas, the essay could be more effective in conveying the message.

王艳 发表于 2023-10-28 17:42
I would rate this essay in the second band, between 19-24 points.

The essay covers the main points ...

请老师帮忙修改，谢谢

cui568057345 发表于 2023-10-28 17:48
请老师帮忙修改，谢谢

现在，越来越多的人过着充满压力的生活。尽管压力似乎是我们生活中的正常一部分，但过多的压力可能导致抑郁、不幸和甚至心理健康问题。因此，改变这种情况对我们来说非常重要。从我的角度来看，无疑地，拥有一项爱好是减轻压力的关键之一，特别是做运动和读书。我之所以这样认为，原因如下。

我想提到的第一个观点是，我们可以拥有一项爱好来分散注意力，例如做运动、读书等。这是因为专注于一件事情能够使我们平静下来。其次，与他人谈论我们的日常生活和工作也可以帮助我们分享烦恼，这是因为让我们感到完全放松。最后但并非最不重要的一点是，只有当我们身体健康、精力充沛时，我们才能为日常生活中任何艰巨的任务做好准备。总之，从我上面所提到的，我们很容易得出结论，拥有一项爱好来减轻压力对我们正确应对压力是至关重要的。只要我们找到合适的方式，压力的情况一定能够处理好。

I would rate this revised essay in the third band, between 13-18 points. The essay addresses the main points more effectively and includes better organization and coherence. The language use is improved, with fewer grammatical errors and more varied sentence structures. However, there are still areas that need further improvement.Firstly, the essay lacks supporting details and examples. It would be more persuasive and convincing if the writer provided specific examples of how sports or reading books have helped them or others in reducing stress. Additionally, citing research or studies on the benefits of hobbies in stress reduction would strengthen the argument.Secondly, the conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the main points and reinforcing the importance of taking up a hobby to reduce stress.In conclusion, while the revised essay shows improvement in organization and language use, it still needs more development in terms of supporting details, examples, and a stronger conclusion. By addressing these areas, the essay will be more effective in conveying the message.

cui568057345 发表于 2023-10-28 17:48
请老师帮忙修改，谢谢

Nowadays, a growing number of people are living stressful lives. Although stress seems to be a normal part of our lives, excessive stress can lead to depression, unhappiness, and even mental health issues. Therefore, it is essential for us to change this situation. From my perspective, taking up hobbies is undoubtedly one of the keys to reducing stress, especially engaging in sports and reading books. The reasons why I believe so are listed below.

Firstly, taking up hobbies can help distract us from anxieties. Engaging in activities such as sports or reading can provide a sense of focus and calmness, allowing us to redirect our thoughts away from stressors. For example, when we immerse ourselves in a captivating book or engage in physical exercise, our minds are momentarily diverted, providing a break from stressors and promoting relaxation.

Secondly, sharing our daily life and work-related troubles with others can help us relieve stress. Speaking to friends, family, or colleagues about our challenges and concerns can provide emotional support and understanding. Consequently, our burden becomes more bearable, and we can experience a sense of relief and relaxation.

Lastly, maintaining a healthy and energetic lifestyle through hobbies allows us to be better prepared to handle daily tasks and challenges. Engaging in physical activities, such as sports, promotes the release of endorphins, which are known to enhance mood and reduce stress levels. Additionally, reading books can broaden our knowledge and perspective, providing us with valuable insights and tools for coping with stress.

In conclusion, taking up hobbies to reduce stress is significant in helping us cope with pressure effectively. By engaging in activities that provide distraction, sharing our concerns with others, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, we can manage stressful situations more efficiently. However, it is important to note that different individuals may prefer different hobbies as stress reduction techniques, and it is crucial to find activities that best suit our interests and personality. With the right hobbies, we can effectively combat stress and improve our overall well-being.

I would give this revised essay a score of 22 out of 30. The essay now covers the main points more effectively and provides better support for the argument. The essay demonstrates a clearer structure and improved coherence. Language use has also improved, with fewer grammatical errors and a broader range of vocabulary. However, there is still room for improvement in providing more specific examples and incorporating research or studies to strengthen the argument.