作文批改

                                  Health And Wealth Relation
    Recently, more and more people are talking about  health and wealth relation. From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that the health is very important for people . The reasons why I believe so are listed as below.
    The first point that I want to mention is that  the health can bring me wealth, and that is because  we have a health body, and we may go to work, so we earn a lot of  money.  What is more,  it is easier for us to understand that health can  bring me happy, which is that we are feeling pain  when I get ill. So we have a health body and  we are may go travel.
    From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conclusion that he health is very important, After all, we should  usually exercise and keep a healthy  body.


请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

评分：第四档 7-12分

评语：这篇作文主题明确，但是结构和语言运用方面还需要改进。其中有一些语法错误和句子不通顺的地方。建议多加练习和阅读，提升语言表达能力。

具体修改如下：

Health And Wealth Relation

Recently, more and more people are talking about the relation between health and wealth. From my perspective, it is undeniable that health is very important for people. The reasons why I believe so are listed below.

The first point that I want to mention is that good health can bring wealth. When we have a healthy body, we can go to work and earn a lot of money. What's more, it is easy for us to understand that good health can bring happiness. When we get sick, we experience pain. So with a healthy body, we can also enjoy activities like travel.

From what I mentioned above, we can easily come to the conclusion that health is very important. After all, we should regularly exercise and maintain a healthy body.

注意事项：

1. 避免过度使用连接词，如"and"和"so"。
2. 注意动词的时态和主谓一致。
3. 确保句子通顺，避免语法错误。