作文修改指令

作文批改指令

作文内容：
My favorite sport
Recently, more and more people are talking about favorite sports. There are many kinds of interesting sports, such as basketball, baseball, football, skiing, jogging and swimming. From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that swimming is the most popular sports in my city. The reason is why l believe so are listed as below.
The first point that I mention is that swimming can helps our to become taller, and that is because swimming stretches our bodies. What is more, it is easier for us to understand that swimming can make us stronger, which is because swimming is a very healthy sport. From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conclusion that swimming is the most popular sports in my city. After all, swimming can helps our to become taller and make us stronger.



请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

作文修改：

My Favorite Sport

Recently, more and more people are talking about their favorite sports. There are many kinds of interesting sports, such as basketball, baseball, football, skiing, jogging, and swimming. From my perspective, it is undeniable that swimming is the most popular sport in my city. The reasons why I believe so are listed below.

Firstly, swimming can help us become taller because it stretches our bodies. Furthermore, it is easy to understand that swimming can make us stronger as it is a very healthy sport. Taking all these points into consideration, it is evident that swimming is the most popular sport in my city. After all, swimming can help us become taller and stronger.

评分：
根据作文内容、篇章结构和语言运用，我给出如下打分：

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务
-  提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
-  运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
-  存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

不足之处：
1. 需要改正的拼写错误：“undoubted”应为“undeniable”。
2. 句子表达有些不流畅，需要进行修改和改进。
3. 需要更好的组织结构来展示论点和论证。

希望对您有所帮助！

老师可以帮忙修改一下以下内容吗 谢谢


可能漏掉了个别内容)
-  运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
-  存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

不足之处：
2. 句子表达有些不流畅，需要进行修改和改进。
3. 需要更好的组织结构来展示论点和论证。

大鱼 发表于 2023-10-24 20:57
老师可以帮忙修改一下以下内容吗 谢谢


可能漏掉了个 ...

当然可以帮您修改以下内容。请提供需要修改的内容。

王艳 发表于 2023-10-24 20:57
当然可以帮您修改以下内容。请提供需要修改的内容。

My favorite sport
Recently, more and more people are talking about favorite sports. There are many kinds of interesting sports, such as basketball, baseball, football, skiing, jogging and swimming. From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that swimming is the most popular sports in my city. The reason is why l believe so are listed as below.
The first point that I mention is that swimming can helps our to become taller, and that is because swimming stretches our bodies. What is more, it is easier for us to understand that swimming can make us stronger, which is because swimming is a very healthy sport. From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conclusion that swimming is the most popular sports in my city. After all, swimming can helps our to become taller and make us stronger.

大鱼 发表于 2023-10-24 20:58
My favorite sport
Recently, more and more people a ...

My Favorite Sport

Recently, more and more people have been discussing their favorite sports. There are many interesting sports to choose from, such as basketball, baseball, football, skiing, jogging, and swimming. From my perspective, there is no doubt that swimming is the most popular sport in my city. The reasons for my belief are listed below.

Firstly, swimming can help us become taller because it stretches our bodies. Additionally, swimming is known to improve strength, making it a very healthy sport. Considering these points, it is evident that swimming is the most popular sport in my city. After all, swimming can help us grow taller and become stronger.

However, there are a few areas that can be improved in this essay. Firstly, the sentence structure needs to be revised to enhance clarity and flow. Secondly, the organization of the essay could be improved to better present the arguments and supporting evidence.

Overall, the essay provides a basic understanding of the topic and meets the minimum requirements. With some improvements in sentence structure and organization, it has the potential to receive a higher score.