Live a health life

请根据所提供材料中的要求完成一篇l00词左右的英文写作任务。将你的答案写在答题卡相应的位置上。
51.某英文报社正在举办题为“Live a healthy life”的征文活动。请就以下要点写一篇英文短文应征。
   什么是健康的生活方式
   你是怎么做

        Recenlty, more and more people are talking about what is live a healty life.From my perective,it is totally undoubted that it means persisting exercise and keeping a good habits in our lives. As for me, I can keep exercise everyday,especially swimming whether it is summer or winter.The reasons why I believe so are listed as below.
       The first point that I want to mention is that swimming can help me maintain good health,because it is one of the most active and effective ways to enhance physica well-being.
       What is more,it's easier for me to understand that engaging in swimming activities can reduce stress,make depression more bearable and help me relax.
       From what I mention above, it can easily come to the conclusion that if we keep exercise for long time, and not only we can creat a heathier body , but also it brings numerous benefits to my life.





请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

Score: 20/30

Comments:
- The essay addresses the topic and includes all the required points.
- The overall structure of the essay is clear and well-organized.
- There are some errors in grammar and word usage, but they do not significantly impact understanding.
- The vocabulary used is appropriate, but could be more varied.
- The essay meets the word count requirement.

Areas for improvement:
- Try to use more complex sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency of the essay.
- Use a wider range of vocabulary to make the writing more engaging and precise.
- Review grammar rules to minimize errors and improve accuracy.

请中文评分，并相应地修改

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-20 12:52
请中文评分，并相应地修改

评分：23/30

- 该文章完成了题目要求的任务，并包括了所有必要的要点。
- 文章的整体结构清晰，有组织。
- 存在一些语法和词汇使用错误，但这些错误并不严重影响理解。
- 使用的词汇较为恰当，但可以更加丰富多样。
- 文章符合字数要求。

改进之处：
- 尝试使用更复杂的句子结构，提升文章的流畅性。
- 使用更广泛的词汇，使写作更加生动准确。
- 温习语法规则，减少错误，提高准确性。

具体是哪方面呢，哪些句子存在语法结构问题，如何进行修改

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-20 12:55
具体是哪方面呢，哪些句子存在语法结构问题，如何进行 ...

首先，我要指出的是这篇文章的整体结构是清晰的，并且包含了所需的要点。然而，在语法和句子结构方面还有一些需要改进的地方。下面是一些需要修改的句子以及建议的修改方式：

1. "From my perpective" 可以修改为 "From my perspective,"（逗号后面加空格）

2. "it is totally undoubted that it means persisting exercise and keeping a good habits in our lives." 可以修改为 "it is without a doubt that it means persisting exercise and maintaining good habits in our lives."（"doubted"应改为"doubt"，并且应该使用维持（maintain）而不是保持（keeping）健康习惯）

3. "As for me, I can keep exercise everyday" 可以修改为 "As for me, I can exercise every day."（"keep exercise"改为"exercise"，并且加上空格）

4. "especially swimming whether it is summer or winter." 可以修改为 "especially swimming, whether it is summer or winter."（逗号后面加空格）

5. "The reasons why I believe so are listed as below." 可以修改为 "The reasons why I believe so are listed below."（去掉"as"）

6. "swimming can help me maintain good health,because it is one of the most active and effective ways to enhance physica well-being." 可以修改为 "Swimming can help me maintain good health because it is one of the most active and effective ways to enhance physical well-being."（在"health"和"because"之间加上空格，拼写错误"physica"改为"physical"）

7. "engage in swimming activities can reduce stress,make depression more bearable and help me relax." 可以修改为 "Engaging in swimming activities can reduce stress, make depression more bearable, and help me relax."（在"stress"和"make"之间加上逗号，并在"bearable"和"help"之间加上逗号）

希望这些修改意见能够帮助你提升文章的语法和句子结构。