2017年10月英语二

作文内容：
要求完成一篇100个词左右的英文写作任务。
51 某英文报社正在举办题为“excerise every day”的征文活动，内容包括：
  坚持锻炼有哪些好处。
  你能否坚持每天锻炼。

Recently ,more and more people are talking about whether exerciseevery day or not . From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that I canpersist exercise every day. The reason why I believe so are listed as below.

The first point that I want to mention that is that exercise canhelp me maintain good health , and that is because exercise is one of the mostactive and effective ways to enhance physical well-being. What`s more, it iseasier for me to understand that persisting exercise can reduce stress, makedepression more bearable and help me relax.

From what I mention above , we can easily come to the conclusionthat exercise every day bring numerous benefits to our life .

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
• 语言运用较为准确、恰当
  

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
• 语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解
  

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

• 提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
• 运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
• 存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解
  

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

• 遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇单调。
• 语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解
  

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

• 明显遗漏内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇极单调
• 语言错误很多，严重影响理解
  

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

评分如下：

在对作文进行打分时，需要考虑以下几个方面：
1.是否清楚地表达了全部内容要点：本作文清楚地表达了锻炼的好处和个人是否能坚持每天锻炼的内容要点。给予满分。
2.语法结构和词汇使用是否满足任务要求：作文中使用的语法结构和词汇基本上能满足任务的基本要求，但存在一些小错误，如缺少冠词等。给予第二档得分。
3.语言运用准确性和恰当性：尽管存在一些小错误，但整体上语言运用恰当且较为准确。给予第二档得分。
综上所述，本作文得分为19-24分，属于第二档。作文还有提升空间的地方是对每个观点进行更加具体和有理论支持的阐述，并在结尾段做个总结或呼吁。希望学生在以后的写作中能够注意这些方面的提升。

具体如何修改

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-14 15:45
具体如何修改

以下是对作文进行修改和改进的建议：

Recently, more and more people are discussing whether it is beneficial to exercise every day. From my perspective, I firmly believe in the importance of daily exercise. There are several reasons why I hold this view.

Firstly, regular exercise helps maintain good physical health. Engaging in physical activity on a daily basis is one of the most effective ways to improve one's overall well-being. It boosts our immune system, strengthens our muscles, and keeps our bodies fit and energetic.

Furthermore, persisting with daily exercise can greatly reduce stress levels and make it easier to cope with feelings of depression. Exercise has been proven to release endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. It provides a healthy outlet for negative emotions and helps us relax both mentally and physically.

In conclusion, there are numerous benefits to exercising every day. From improved physical health to reduced stress and increased mental well-being, incorporating daily exercise into our lives can have a significant positive impact. As for myself, I am committed to maintaining a regular exercise routine as I understand the importance of prioritizing my health and well-being.

通过对作文的修改，增加了更多关于锻炼的好处的描述，同时整理了语言表述，让观点更加清晰和具体。在结尾段也加入了个人立场，并强调了坚持每天锻炼的重要性。这样的修改可以提高作文的完整度和逻辑性，并使得文章更具说服力。

只需要100个词语，请在你的作文修改基础上，进行删减，并要求达到第一档的评分标准。

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-14 15:47
只需要100个词语，请在你的作文修改基础上，进行删减 ...

Exercise every day brings numerous benefits to our life. It helps maintain good health and enhances physical well-being. Additionally, it reduces stress, alleviates depression, and promotes relaxation. Personally, I can persist in exercising daily.

“The first point that I want to mention that is that exercise canhelp me maintain good health , and that is because exercise is one of the mostactive and effective ways to enhance physical well-being. ”这句话的语法结构是否正确？如有问题，如何进行修改

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-14 15:56
“The first point that I want to mention that is t ...

这句话的语法结构有一些问题。可以进行如下修改：

"The first point I want to mention is that exercise can help me maintain good health. This is because exercise is one of the most active and effective ways to enhance physical well-being."

“What`s more, it iseasier for me to understand that persisting exercise can reduce stress, makedepression more bearable and help me relax.”这句话的语法结构有无问题，如有疑问请指出

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-14 15:59
“What`s more, it iseasier for me to understand th ...

这句话的语法结构没有问题。语法和用词都很准确。