作文批改及评分

Recently. more and more people are talking about exercising every day. From my perspective,it is totally undoubted that exercise is one of the keys to a healthy life,especially running.The reasons why I believe so are listed as below.

    The first point that I want to mention about is that increase lifespan, and that is because it improves your immunity which guards against diseases.What is more it's easily for us to understand that running helps people sleep better.Which is because the tiredness after running makes runners fall alseep more quickly and easily. Last but not the least, we have to admit that nunners could easily keep a running habit.

    From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conlution that doing excising every day can benefit people's health.After all.It's fun and relaxing.


请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

        •        清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
        •        运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
        •        语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

        •        清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
        •        运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
        •        语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

        •        提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
        •        运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
        •        存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

        •        遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
        •        语法结构和词汇单调。
        •        语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

        •        明显遗漏内容要点
        •        语法结构和词汇极单调
        •        语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

批改与评分如下：

Overall, the essay is well-organized and conveys the main points effectively. However, there are some areas for improvement in terms of grammar and vocabulary usage.

Firstly, there are some grammatical errors throughout the essay. For example, in the first paragraph, "it's easily for us to understand" should be "it's easy for us to understand." In addition, the phrase "nunners could easily keep a running habit" should be revised as "runners can easily maintain a running habit."

Secondly, there are some vocabulary choices that could be improved. For instance, instead of "guard against diseases," it would be more appropriate to say "prevent diseases." Furthermore, instead of using "tiredness," the word "fatigue" would be a better choice.

In terms of content, the essay adequately supports the main idea that exercise, particularly running, is beneficial for a healthy life. However, it would be helpful to provide more specific examples or evidence to support these claims. For instance, mentioning studies that show how exercise improves immunity and sleep quality would strengthen the argument.

Based on the above analysis, I would rate this essay in the second band, 19-24 points. The essay effectively conveys the main points and meets the basic requirements of the task, but there are some errors in grammar and vocabulary that slightly affect clarity. Overall, it is a solid essay with room for improvement.

修改后的文章

王红莉 发表于 2023-10-12 10:06
修改后的文章

Recently, more and more people are talking about the importance of exercising every day. From my perspective, there is no doubt that exercise, especially running, is one of the keys to a healthy life. There are several reasons why I believe so.

Firstly, regular exercise can increase lifespan by improving immunity and guarding against diseases. It is well-known that exercise boosts the immune system, making it more effective in fighting off infections and illnesses. Additionally, running helps people sleep better. The physical tiredness after running allows runners to fall asleep more quickly and easily, leading to a more restful sleep.

Moreover, one of the advantages of running is that it is easy to maintain as a habit. Unlike other forms of exercise that may require special equipment or facilities, running can be done anywhere and at any time. This makes it more accessible and convenient for people to incorporate into their daily routines.

In conclusion, exercising every day, particularly through running, can greatly benefit our health. It not only improves our immunity and guards against diseases but also promotes better sleep. Furthermore, the ease of maintaining a running habit makes it a practical choice for people of all ages and fitness levels. Ultimately, exercise not only contributes to a healthy lifestyle but can also be enjoyable and relaxing.

Based on the revised essay, I would rate it in the third band, 13-18 points. It effectively conveys the main points and meets the basic requirements of the task. However, there are still some errors in grammar and vocabulary that slightly affect clarity and coherence. With further improvement in language use and providing more specific examples or evidence, the essay could receive a higher rating.