Fight against Haze

作文内容：
  请根据所提供材料中的要求完成一篇100词左右的英文写作任务。
  51.某英文报社正在举行题为“Fight against Haze”的征文活动，就此题目写一篇英文短文应征，内容包括：
     雾霾会造成哪些危害？
     我们可以采取哪些应对措施？

Fight against Haze

    Hazepollution is a growing concern in recent years. Itbrings various harms, such as health risks and traffic problems due to poorvisibility.  

A green and clear environment turns to be an important role and anurgent issue in our daily lives. So we need to take effective measures.

   On one side, people should choose publictransportation to reduce resource waste and environmental pollution. On theother side, the government should shut down heavy-polluting factories to reduceenvironmental pollution. Beside these, the government should make some laws toprotect the environment.

  To be conclude, if we work together to beable to do such measures, our environment will getting better and better.

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
• 语言运用较为准确、恰当
  

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
• 语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解
  

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

• 提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
• 运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
• 存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解
  

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

• 遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇单调。
• 语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解
  

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

• 明显遗漏内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇极单调
• 语言错误很多，严重影响理解
  

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

Fight against Haze

Hazepollution is a growing concern in recent years. It brings various harms, such as health risks and traffic problems due to poor visibility. A green and clear environment turns to be an important role and an urgent issue in our daily lives. So we need to take effective measures.

On one side, people should choose public transportation to reduce resource waste and environmental pollution. On the other side, the government should shut down heavy-polluting factories to reduce environmental pollution. Beside these, the government should make some laws to protect the environment.

To be conclude, if we work together to be able to do such measures, our environment will getting better and better.

评分及评价：

第四档 7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

这篇文章的内容基本准确，提到了雾霾的危害和应对措施。然而，文章的组织结构较为简单，缺少逻辑性和连贯性。语法错误较多，有一些病句和拼写错误，这些错误影响了整体的流畅性和可读性。此外，文章的表达方式也显得过于简单和生硬，没有使用更多的复杂句子和词汇丰富作文。

建议改进：
1.在写作时要注意逻辑性和连贯性，确保每个段落都有主题句和支持句。
2.需要更加细致地描述雾霾的危害，如：对健康的影响、影响能见度的交通问题等。
3.在语法和拼写方面要更加准确，注意句子结构和时态的一致性。
4.尝试使用更多复杂的句子结构和丰富多样的词汇来提升文章的表达水平。

在我提供的作文基础上进行具体的修改，具体要求如下：
  1 字数在100词左右
  2  评分标准需要达到第一档

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-10 20:57
在我提供的作文基础上进行具体的修改，具体要求如下： ...

Fight against Haze

Haze pollution has become a growing concern in recent years, causing various harms such as health risks and traffic problems due to poor visibility. It is crucial that we take effective measures to combat this issue.

To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing public transportation instead of private vehicles, which helps reduce resource consumption and environmental pollution. Additionally, the government should take responsibility by closing down heavily-polluting factories and implementing stricter regulations to protect the environment.

Collectively, if we work hand in hand to implement these measures, we can create a greener and healthier environment for everyone. It is our duty to fight against haze and preserve the beauty of our planet.

评分及评价：第一档 25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务，清楚地表达了全部内容要点。这篇作文在提到雾霾的危害和应对措施时都有明确的论述，并有较为详细的描述。语法和词汇运用准确，在表达上使用了一些复杂的句子结构和丰富多样的词汇，展示了较高的英语写作水平。文章结构合理，逻辑性和连贯性较强，整体读起来很流畅。建议改进：无。