作文批改及评分

Green Transportation
     I do a lot of things to support green transportation, such as riding a bike, taking a bus and walking. Personally.I prefer riding a bike.
     When I was a little child, I did not know how to ride a bike. My mother e taught me to ride a bike after dinner every day. After I grow up, I learn to ride a bike by myself. Shortly afterwards, I teach my boy to ride a bike every day as well. I am used to riding a bike to work. Till now, it is my favorite. The primary factor is that it helps me to get a healthy body and reduce pollution."
I hope that everyone can enjoy the fun of riding a bike, which is really helpful for our environment.

Green Transportation
I do a lot of things to support green transportation, such as riding a bike, taking a bus, and walking. Personally, I prefer riding a bike.

When I was a little child, I did not know how to ride a bike. My mother taught me to ride a bike after dinner every day. As I grew up, I learned to ride a bike by myself. Shortly afterwards, I started teaching my son how to ride a bike every day as well. I am used to riding a bike to work, and it has become my favorite mode of transport. The primary reason for this is that it helps me maintain a healthy body and reduce pollution.

I hope that everyone can enjoy the fun of riding a bike, as it is truly beneficial for our environment.

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Overall, your essay is good and effectively communicates your support for green transportation. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Organization: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It would be better to start with an introduction that grabs the reader's attention and provides a clear thesis statement, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your message.

2. Sentence structure: There are some errors in sentence structure and grammar throughout the essay. For example, in the second sentence, it should be "My mother taught me to ride a bike" instead of "My mother e taught me to ride a bike." Be sure to proofread your work carefully to correct any mistakes.

3. Elaboration: While you briefly mention that riding a bike helps you maintain a healthy body and reduce pollution, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or evidence to support these claims. For instance, you could mention the physical benefits of exercise and the environmental impact of reducing car emissions.

4. Development: The essay is quite short and lacks sufficient development. Try to expand on your ideas and provide more details or personal experiences to make your essay more engaging and persuasive.

Overall, I would give your essay a score of 3 out of 5. With some improvements in organization, sentence structure, elaboration, and development, it has the potential to be an even stronger piece. Keep up the good work!

简单修改后的文章

王红莉 发表于 2023-10-09 15:47
简单修改后的文章

Supporting Green Transportation

In order to support green transportation, I engage in several activities such as riding a bike, taking the bus, and walking. Among these options, I personally prefer riding a bike.

When I was young, I didn't know how to ride a bike. It was my mother who patiently taught me how to ride after dinner every day. As I grew older, I eventually learned to ride by myself. Soon enough, I started teaching my own child how to ride a bike as well. Riding a bike has become a routine for me, especially when commuting to work. It has become my preferred mode of transport, primarily because it helps me maintain a healthy body and reduce pollution.

I strongly believe that everyone should experience the joy of riding a bike, as it significantly benefits our environment. Not only does it promote physical fitness and overall well-being, but it also helps reduce air pollution. By choosing green transportation methods like riding a bike, we can all contribute to creating a healthier and cleaner world.

Overall, your essay has shown improvement in organization, sentence structure, elaboration, and development. The content is clear and concise, effectively conveying your support for green transportation. I would now rate your essay a 4 out of 5. Well done!