作文批改

作文内容：

   When it comes totraditional Chinese foods, everyone has his or her own idea. From my point ofview, I always think that my favorite traditional Chinese food is mooncake. Thereasons are as follows.

  There are mainly several reasons for my view.On the one hand, mooncake is not only a delicious food but also a symbol ofbeing together with family. On the other hand, it is necessary for me to have adeeper and better understanding of family by mooncake. Last but not least. Itwould be beneficial that I can reduce my pressure and savor the life by eatingmooncake .

  In a word, I like eating mooncake very muchin my favorite traditional Chinese food.

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
• 语言运用较为准确、恰当
  

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
• 语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解
  

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

• 提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
• 运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
• 存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解
  

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

• 遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇单调。
• 语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解
  

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

• 明显遗漏内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇极单调
• 语言错误很多，严重影响理解
  

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

评分和批改如下：

根据作文的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用，该作文可被归入第三档（13-18分）。

在内容方面，作文基本完成了试题规定的任务。作者表达了自己对传统中国食物的看法，认为自己最喜欢的传统中国食物是月饼，并且给出了几个理由来支持自己的观点。

在篇章结构方面，作文比较简洁明了。但是，在论述各个理由时，缺乏逻辑性和连贯性。作者提到"mooncake is not only a delicious food but also a symbol of being together with family"和"it is necessary for me to have a deeper and better understanding of family by mooncake"这两个理由之间没有很好地进行过渡，导致文章的逻辑流程不够清晰。

在语言运用方面，作文存在一些语法错误和词汇不够丰富多样的问题。例如，在第一句中，使用的是"everyone has his or her own idea"，可以改为"everyone has their own idea"，以避免性别倾向。此外，作文中使用的词汇比较简单，没有很好地展示出作者的语言能力。

总体来说，这篇作文表达了作者对月饼的喜爱，但在内容组织和语言运用方面还有提升的空间。建议作者在写作时要更加注重逻辑性和表达的准确性，同时也要尝试使用一些丰富多样的词汇来提升文章的质量。

请修改为一档的要求，英文书写并翻译

汕头泽松 发表于 2023-10-08 10:58
请修改为一档的要求，英文书写并翻译 ...

According to the content points, discourse structure, and language use, this essay can be classified into the second band (19-24 points). In terms of content, the essay successfully completes the given task. The author expresses their opinion about their favorite traditional Chinese food being mooncakes and provides several reasons to support their view. In terms of discourse structure, the essay is clear and concise. However, there is a lack of logical coherence in explaining the different reasons. The transition between the reason "mooncakes being a symbol of being together with family" and "the necessity of having a deeper understanding of family through mooncakes" is not well-established, leading to a lack of clarity in the logical flow of the essay. In terms of language use, there exist some grammatical errors and limited vocabulary. For example, in the first sentence, the phrase "everyone has his or her own idea" can be changed to "everyone has their own idea" to avoid gender bias. Additionally, the essay utilizes simple vocabulary that does not showcase the author's language proficiency. Overall, this essay expresses the author's love for mooncakes, but there is room for improvement in terms of content organization and language use. I would suggest the author to focus on logical coherence and accurate expression while also utilizing more diverse and varied vocabulary to enhance the quality of the essay.

根据内容要点、段落结构和语言运用，这篇作文可以被归类为第二档（19-24分）。在内容方面，这篇文章成功地完成了给定的任务。作者表达了他们对月饼作为最喜欢的传统中国食物的看法，并提供了几个理由来支持他们的观点。在段落结构方面，这篇文章简明扼要。然而，在解释不同理由时存在一些逻辑连贯性的缺失。关于"月饼是家人团聚的象征"和"通过吃月饼来更深入地了解家庭"这两个理由之间的过渡并不够完善，导致文章的逻辑流程不够清晰。在语言运用方面，文章存在一些语法错误和词汇有限的问题。例如，在第一句中，使用的短语是"everyone has his or her own idea"，可以改为"everyone has their own idea"，以避免性别偏见。此外，文章使用的词汇较为简单，没有很好地展示出作者的语言能力。总的来说，这篇文章表达了作者对月饼的喜爱，但在内容组织和语言运用方面还有改进的空间。建议作者在写作时注重逻辑连贯性和准确表达，同时尝试使用更多多样化的词汇来提升文章的质量。

翻译为中文

汕头泽松 发表于 2023-10-08 11:02
翻译为中文

根据内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用，这篇作文可以归入第二档（19-24分）。在内容方面，该作文成功地完成了所要求的任务。作者表达了自己对传统中国食物的看法，并且给出了自己最喜欢的传统中国食物是月饼的理由。除此之外，该作文也提到了月饼能够代表家人团聚、增进对家庭的理解，并且能够减少压力、享受生活的好处。在语言运用方面，尽管存在一些小错误，但整体上语法结构和词汇的使用能够满足任务的基本要求。

When it comes totraditional Chinese foods, everyone has his or her own idea. From my point ofview, I always think that my favorite traditional Chinese food is mooncake. Thereasons are as follows.
  There are mainly several reasons for my view.On the one hand, mooncake is not only a delicious food but also a symbol ofbeing together with family. On the other hand, it is necessary for me to have adeeper and better understanding of family by mooncake. Last but not least. Itwould be beneficial that I can reduce my pressure and savor the life by eatingmooncake .
  In a word, I like eating mooncake very muchin my favorite traditional Chinese food.修改完善

汕头泽松 发表于 2023-10-08 11:05
When it comes totraditional Chinese foods, everyon ...

When it comes to traditional Chinese foods, everyone has their own ideas. From my point of view, my favorite traditional Chinese food is mooncake. There are several reasons for my preference.

Firstly, mooncakes are not only delicious but also symbolize the importance of being together with family. During the Mid-Autumn Festival, families gather to enjoy mooncakes and appreciate the full moon. It creates a warm and loving atmosphere that strengthens familial bonds.

Secondly, mooncakes provide an opportunity for me to have a deeper understanding of my family's traditions and values. Making and sharing mooncakes with my loved ones allows me to connect with my cultural heritage and learn about the significance behind this traditional delicacy.

Lastly, indulging in mooncakes allows me to take a break from the pressures of life and savor the simple joys. In today's fast-paced world, it's essential to find moments of relaxation and pleasure. Eating mooncakes brings me a sense of tranquility and contentment.

In conclusion, I thoroughly enjoy eating mooncakes as my favorite traditional Chinese food. They not only satisfy my taste buds but also bring me closer to my family, heritage, and personal well-being.

When it comes totraditional Chinese foods, everyone has his or her own idea. From my point ofview, I always think that my favorite traditional Chinese food is mooncake. Thereasons are as follows.
  There are mainly several reasons for my view.On the one hand, mooncake is not only a delicious food but also a symbol ofbeing together with family. On the other hand, it is necessary for me to have adeeper and better understanding of family by mooncake. Last but not least. Itwould be beneficial that I can reduce my pressure and savor the life by eatingmooncake .
  In a word, I like eating mooncake very muchin my favorite traditional Chinese food.优化完善，字数100-120词左右

汕头泽松 发表于 2023-10-08 11:10
When it comes totraditional Chinese foods, everyon ...

When it comes to traditional Chinese foods, everyone has their own preferences. Personally, I have always considered mooncake to be my favorite traditional Chinese food. There are several reasons for this choice. Firstly, mooncake is not only a delicious treat, but also holds significant cultural value as a symbol of togetherness with family. Additionally, by enjoying mooncake, I am able to deepen my understanding of the importance of family bonds. Lastly, indulging in mooncake allows me to unwind and appreciate the joys of life, thus providing a sense of stress relief. In conclusion, I have a strong affinity for mooncake as my favorite traditional Chinese food.