用“作文批改指令”方式重新批改

作文内容：
   My favorite job
      It  is well know that the teacher is very important in our lives. Our teacher can teach us many new things. So my favorite job is being a teacher.
      I want to be a teacher beacause I think they are great. If I become a teacher, I will work hard to teacher my students. I love them very much,which is why I believe I will find happiness in my job everyday, I will be able to work outside sometimes.But I will work hard everyday, and sometimes I fell tired. I can also get more experience from my job. Besides, teachers have many holidays and do not have work overtime.
     Being a teacher have many advantages. My favorite job is teaching.


请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
• 语言运用较为准确、恰当
  

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
• 语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解
  

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

• 提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
• 运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
• 存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解
  

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

• 遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇单调。
• 语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解
  

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

• 明显遗漏内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇极单调
• 语言错误很多，严重影响理解
  

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

作文批改指令：

总体印象给分：根据作文的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定所属的档次，再酌情增减分数。

评分标准：
第一档（25-30分）：清楚地表达了全部内容要点，运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求，语言运用较为准确、恰当。
第二档（19-24分）：清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点，运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求，语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解。
第三档（13-18分）：基本完成了试题规定的任务，提及了关键内容要点（可能漏掉了个别内容），运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求，存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解。
第四档（7-12分）：完成了一部分试题规定的任务，遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点，语法结构和词汇单调，语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解。
第五档（1-6分）：未完成试题规定的任务，明显遗漏内容要点，语法结构和词汇极单调，语言错误很多，严重影响理解。
0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关。

请根据以上标准对作文进行打分，同时指出不足之处。

批改作文

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-07 22:19
批改作文

My favorite job

It is well known that the teacher is very important in our lives. Our teachers can teach us many new things. So my favorite job is being a teacher.

I want to be a teacher because I think they are great. If I become a teacher, I will work hard to teach my students. I love them very much, which is why I believe I will find happiness in my job every day. I will also be able to work outside sometimes. But I will work hard every day, and sometimes I feel tired. I can also gain more experience from my job. Besides, teachers have many holidays and do not have to work overtime.

Being a teacher has many advantages. My favorite job is teaching.

评分：第二档（19-24分）

批改说明：
1. 内容要点：作文涵盖了关于为什么喜欢成为一名教师的原因，以及教师职业的优势。
2. 篇章结构：作文有明确的开头、中间和结尾，表达清晰。
3. 语言运用：虽然有一些语法错误，但整体上语言运用基本正确，能够清楚表达自己的意思。

不足之处：
1. 句子结构较简单，请尝试使用更多复杂的句子结构，以展示更丰富的语言表达能力。
2. 表达方式有些简单，可以尝试使用更多具体、生动的例子或描写来增加作文的吸引力。

总体而言，这篇作文对于表达自己为什么喜欢教师职业的原因以及教师职业的优势有了一定的描述。需要注意的是，尽量使用更复杂的句子结构来提升语言表达能力，并通过具体而生动的例子来加强作文的可读性。

如何进行完善

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-07 22:21
如何进行完善

首先，需要对文章的结构进行完善。在开头部分，可以加入一句话来引出主题，并且将自己对教师职业的看法更具体化。例如：“In my opinion, teachers play a crucial role in shaping the future generation. That's why my favorite job is to become a dedicated and inspiring teacher.”

接下来，需要清晰地表达自己为什么想成为一名老师。可以通过列举一些具体的理由、经历或者感受来支持自己的观点。同时，对于作为一名老师的期望也需要更加具体化，比如说怎样努力教导学生、怎样热爱他们等等。

另外，需要更注重语言运用的准确性和恰当性。注意拼写、标点以及语法的错误，并尽量使用多样的词汇和句式来丰富文章表达。

最后，在结尾部分可以简要总结一下自己为什么喜欢这个职业，以及相信这个职业会给自己带来的愉悦和成长机会。不过要注意避免与开头部分过于相似，可以换一种表达方式。

通过以上的完善和修改，可以使得作文的内容更加完整、连贯，并提高对读者的表达清晰度和说服力。

能否针对性的修改或者在我作文的基础上，提供一篇文章

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-07 22:23
能否针对性的修改或者在我作文的基础上，提供一篇文章 ...

Certainly! Here's a revised version of your essay:

My Favorite Job

In my opinion, teachers play a crucial role in shaping the future generation. They not only impart knowledge but also inspire and guide their students. Thus, it is no surprise that my favorite job is being a teacher.

As a teacher, my primary goal would be to create a positive and stimulating learning environment. I firmly believe that education is not just about academics but also about instilling values, fostering creativity, and promoting critical thinking. By creating an atmosphere where students feel motivated and engaged, I can help them develop into well-rounded individuals.

Moreover, being a teacher gives me the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of my students. Each child is unique with their own strengths and challenges. By understanding their individual needs, I can tailor my teaching methods to suit them, thereby ensuring that every student has the chance to succeed. The joy of seeing my students grow and achieve their goals would be immensely fulfilling.

Furthermore, teaching allows me to constantly learn and grow as well. Education is a dynamic field that requires continuous personal development. By staying updated with the latest research and methodologies, I can offer my students the best possible education. The process of learning alongside my students will not only enhance my knowledge but also keep me intellectually stimulated.

Lastly, being a teacher offers the advantage of having ample holidays and not having to work overtime. This provides me with the opportunity to maintain a healthy work-life balance and pursue personal interests outside of my profession. It is important for me to have time for self-care and relaxation, as it ultimately enhances my effectiveness as an educator.

In conclusion, being a teacher is my favorite job because it allows me to shape young minds, make a positive impact, continuously learn and develop, and maintain a balanced lifestyle. I am passionate about inspiring the next generation and believe that through teaching, I can contribute to creating a better future.

Note: The revised essay incorporates a clearer introduction, more developed reasons for choosing teaching as a favorite job, and a stronger conclusion. Additionally, the language has been refined to improve overall clarity and coherence.