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1830 |1
上岸 发表于 2023-4-12 10:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Recently, more and more people are talking about favorite city. From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that Beijing is the most meaningful city in Chain. The reasons why I believe so are listed as below.
The first point that I want to mention is that so many scenery spots in Beijing, and is because Beijing has very long history. What is more, it is easier understand that Beijing brings happiness to people, which is because there are so many local snacks.
From what I mention above, it is easily come to conclusion that Beijing is the most meaningful city in Chain. After all, Beijing have so many scenery spots and brings happiness to people. Welcome to Beijing.


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admin 发表于 2023-4-12 10:42 | 显示全部楼层
得分:50分

批改:

1. 首先,文章首段没有明确表述主题,且存在语法问题,需要修改。建议改为:In recent years, many people have been discussing their favorite cities. In my opinion, Beijing is undoubtedly the most significant city in China.

2. 第二段中,虽然提到北京有很长的历史和许多景点,但没有具体列举,缺乏足够的论证,需要更充实的内容。此外,最后一句话表述不够清晰。建议修改为:Firstly, Beijing has a rich history and numerous scenic spots, such as the Forbidden City and the Great Wall. Moreover, the local snacks in Beijing bring joy to people's daily lives. These factors make Beijing an exceptional city worth exploring.

3. 最后一个段落的表述有点简单粗暴,需要更具说服力的结论。建议改为:In conclusion, with its fascinating history, awe-inspiring landmarks, and delicious local snacks, Beijing is undoubtedly the most meaningful city in China. I highly recommend everyone to visit and experience the charm of this ancient city.
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