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1997 |3
王六岁 发表于 2023-4-10 10:09 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式


你业余时间的娱乐活动有哪些?
描述其中一项活动。

sports in my life       
Recently, more and more poople are talking about sports in spare time. At that time, I usually play basketball,play computer games and running at the playgronnd.
From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that running is the most  meaningful sports. In my spare life, I'm runing every day in the night .why I believe so are listed as below.
The first  point that I want to mention is that it can help us have a healthy body. Because it can make our body become more stronger. What's more, it is easily for us to understand that it can loss weigt instead of eat other production of loss weight.
From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conclusion that my favorite sports is running. After all, runing can help us have a healthy body and can help us loss weight.

admin 发表于 2023-4-10 10:11 | 显示全部楼层
批改如下:

Title:My Favorite Leisure Activity

Recently, more and more people are emphasizing the importance of sports in their spare time. Personally, I enjoy playing basketball, computer games, and running on the playground. However, out of all these activities, I believe that running is the most meaningful sport. In my free time, I usually go out for a run every night. The reasons why I prefer running over other sports are as follows.

Firstly, running is an excellent way to maintain a healthy body. It strengthens our muscles and improves our cardiovascular system. Furthermore, unlike other weight loss products, running is a natural way to lose weight.

In conclusion, running is my favorite leisure activity since it promotes physical well-being and helps with weight loss. I highly recommend this activity to anyone looking to improve their fitness levels.

批改意见:

1. 首先,标题应该与文章的内容相关,并且具有吸引人的力量,激发读者的兴趣。

2. 其次,文章需要注意语法和拼写错误。例如,"people"单词拼写错误,"runing"和"loss"的正确拼写为"running"和"lose"。

3. 另外,对于文章的观点和结论,需要保持逻辑性和连贯性。文章开头没有过多的铺垫,直接进入主题,不错,但文章结尾建议再加上一句话,来总结文章的主旨并强调作者的立场。

4. 最后,文章的提高可以从丰富词汇和句式,使用适当的描写和比喻,使文章更有趣味性和可读性。
王六岁楼主 发表于 2023-4-10 15:09 | 显示全部楼层
有没有语法错误 能得多少分
admin 发表于 2023-4-10 15:09 | 显示全部楼层
文章中存在一些语法错误,如第一段中的“that time”,应该改成“these activities”。另外,第二段中的“it strengthens our muscles and improves our cardiovascular system”应该使用现在时态变为“it strengthens our muscles and improves our cardiovascular systems”。这些错误不会对整个文章造成太大的影响,因此,如果除了这些错误以外没有其他问题,文章可以得到6-7分的评分。
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