My favorite job 作品批改

My favorite job

It is well know that the teacher is very important in our lives. Our teacher can teach us many new knowledges. So my favorite job is being a teacher .
I want to be a teacher because I think thay are great. If I become a teacher, I will work hard to teach my students. I will work with the students. I love them very much,which is why I believe I will find happiness in my job everyday. I wil also be able to work outside sometimes. But I will work hard every day, and sometimes I will feel tired. I can also get more experience from my job. Besides ,teachers have many holidays and do not have to work overtime.
Being a teacher has many advantages. My favorite job is being a teacher.

评分：19-24分，属于第二档

作文《My Favorite Job》较好地完成了试题规定的任务，作者在文中清楚表达了选择教师作为自己最喜欢职业的原因，并较全面地列举了教师工作的优点。然而，文章在词汇和语法方面存在一些小错误，这些错误虽然不影响整体理解，但仍有改进空间。

优点：
1. 内容要点齐全：清晰表达了选择教师作为最喜欢职业的理由，包括热爱学生、享受工作的快乐、获得经验，以及工作时间上的优势。
2. 结构合理：文章开头、中间和结尾逻辑清晰。

不足与建议：
1. 拼写错误：文中出现了一些拼写错误，如“knowledges”应为“knowledge”，“thay”应为“they”，“wil”应为“will”。这些错误需要注意。
2. 语法问题：句子中使用的谓语动词时态和形式应更加准确，例如“...I believe I will find happiness in my job everyday.”中的“everyday”通常用作形容词（如“everyday life”），在此处应为“every day”。
3. 细节丰富度：文章可以增加一些关于为什么认为教师是“great”以及具体哪些方面带来快乐的详细描述，以增强说服力和吸引力。
4. 连贯性：可以增加过渡句或短语，使各个段落之间的衔接更为流畅。

总体而言，文章基本完成了任务，但在语言运用和内容深度上仍有提升空间。

在我作文的基础上，进行逐句的修改

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-16 19:48
在我作文的基础上，进行逐句的修改

Certainly! Here's a revised version of your essay with sentence-by-sentence modifications:

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My favorite job

It is well-known that teachers play a very important role in our lives. Teachers can teach us a lot of new knowledge. Therefore, my favorite job is to be a teacher.

I want to become a teacher because I think they are incredible. If I become a teacher, I will work hard to educate my students. I plan to engage actively with them because I love teaching and interacting with students. This passion is why I believe I will find joy in my job every day. I might also have opportunities to work outside sometimes. Even though the job can be tiring at times, I am eager to gain more experience through it. Furthermore, being a teacher offers many holidays, and there’s typically no need to work overtime.

Being a teacher has many advantages, making it my favorite job.

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In this revised version:
1. I corrected the spelling errors like "knowledges" to "knowledge" and "thay" to "they".
2. Improved clarity by replacing "which is why I believe I will find happiness in my job everyday." with a more precise explanation of why you would find joy in teaching.
3. Ensured proper use of adverbs by changing "everyday" to "every day".
4. Enhanced the structure with clearer sentence transitions for improved readability.
5. Added a bit more depth to support why you think teaching is an excellent profession.