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Watching Movies at Home or in a Cinema

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夏天 发表于 2024-9-29 21:19 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Nowadays,more and more people are talking about their watching movies at home or cinema.it is very pupolar and trendy issue.A lot of people agree watching movies at home than watching movies in a cineama.thereby,I agree hold watching movies at home.
The reasons are as follows:
First of all,when I was children,my city don't have a cinema,sometime,many people watching movies at their home.What's more,they are tegether watching movies that it is become very familiar.Next,watching movies at home,it don't have case many money and helps you save sometimes.Finally,when you save some times and money that yous give some poor people to happiness.

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王艳 发表于 2024-9-29 21:20 | 显示全部楼层
### 评分:12分(第四档)

#### 优点:
1. **表达意图明确**:作者清楚地表达了自己的观点,即更喜欢在家看电影。
2. **列出几点理由**:提供了一些支持其观点的理由,如节省时间和金钱。

#### 不足:
1. **拼写错误**:例如,“pupolar”应为“popular”,“cineama”应为“cinema”,“tegether”应为“together”,“yous”应为“you”。
2. **语法结构不准确**:例如,“when I was children”应改为“when I was a child”,“it don't have case many money”应改为“it doesn't cost much money”.
3. **语言运用生硬**:如“thereby, I agree hold watching movies at home”应改为“therefore, I prefer watching movies at home”.
4. **缺乏连贯性**:段落之间的过渡不够自然,缺乏逻辑顺序。
5. **内容不完整**:例如,“他们一起看电影,这使得它变得非常熟悉”的表达过于模糊,应进一步阐述。
6. **标点符号使用不当**:句子中缺少空格,如“Nowadays,more and more people...”,应该是“Nowadays, more and more people...”。

#### 修改建议:
1. **拼写和语法纠正**:注意单词拼写和基本语法规则。
2. **增加连贯性和完整性**:将段落之间的过渡更自然,并更详细地阐明你的理由和观点。
3. **提高语言多样性**:尝试使用更多不同的句型和词汇,以避免语言单调。
4. **正确使用标点符号**:注意句子的间隔和标点符号的正确使用。

### 改进后的作文范例:

---

**Watching Movies at Home or in a Cinema**

Nowadays, more and more people are discussing whether it is better to watch movies at home or in a cinema. This issue has become very popular and trendy. Many people prefer watching movies at home rather than in a cinema. I also agree with this viewpoint for the following reasons.

First of all, when I was a child, my city didn't have a cinema. Therefore, many people watched movies at their homes. This created a very familiar and cozy atmosphere as families and friends gathered together to enjoy films.

Secondly, watching movies at home doesn't cost much money and helps you save time. You don't need to spend money on tickets or transportation, and you can avoid the hassle of getting to the cinema.

Finally, the time and money you save by watching movies at home can be used for other purposes, such as helping those in need. This way, you can bring happiness to others while enjoying your favorite films.

In conclusion, I believe that watching movies at home offers several benefits, including cost savings, convenience, and the opportunity to share joy with others.
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