### 评分:13-18分 (第三档)
### 总评:
这篇作文基本完成了试题规定的任务,提及了关键内容要点,但存在一些语法和拼写错误,这些错误不过于严重,不影响理解。不过,整体语言使用简单,论述不够深入。
### 优点:
1. **结构清晰**:文章结构较为清晰,有开头、主体和结尾。
2. **表达明确**:虽然有一些语法和拼写错误,但基本能清楚地表达意思。
### 不足与改进建议:
1. **拼写错误**:
- "weii" 应为 "well"
- "imporant" 应为 "important"
- "beng" 应为 "being"
2. **语法错误**:
- "one of the my important thing" 中的 "the" 多余,应去掉。
- "I think of it is very useful for me" 应为 "I think it is very useful for me".
- "I can spend many times with my family and friends." 应为"I can spend a lot of time with my family and friends."
3. **表达改进**:
- "As for me, I want to be a teacher." 可以改为 " ersonally, my hobby is teaching."
- "Here are the reasons." 可以更具体,例如 "Here are why teaching fascinates me."
4. **缺乏细节**:
- 增加具体的例子或细节来支持你的观点。例如,为什么你认为做老师能实现自我价值?具体哪些方面吸引你?
### 修改后的作文:
**My Hobby**
It is well known that hobbies are very important in our lives. As a matter of fact, we can have different hobbies. Personally, my hobby is teaching. Here are the reasons why teaching fascinates me.
First of all, being a teacher is one of the most important things for me. I think it is very useful for personal development. In addition, as a teacher, I can realize my self-worth and explore the world through constant learning and teaching. Last but not least, if I become a teacher, I can spend a lot of time with my family and friends, enjoying a balanced life.
As a result, as far as I am concerned, my hobby is being a teacher. |