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sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-24 22:01 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
请根据所提供材料中的要求完成一篇l00词左右的英文写作任务。将你的答案写在答题卡相应的位置上。
51.某英文报社正在举办题为“An Unforgetting holiday”的征文活动。请就以下要点写一篇英文短文应征。
    哪一个假期令你难忘
    为什么令你难忘

       As for me,it was an unforgetting holiday that I became a volunteer in my community organization during the sunmmer vacation.Here are several reasons why it was an unfogetting holiday.
       I became a volunteer to help the elderly. I helped them to wash the cloth,do the housework,read for them and chat with them. I could see their  happniess for their faces when I was doing these things. And doing such work makes our life more colorful and meanful too. It is really great that life of these in need can be little easier with the help of volunteers.
     In conclusion, I hope everyone can engage in volunteer team, and if we do together, everything goes well with our life.


请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分,并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分,按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分,而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时,先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次,然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数,最后给分应避免分数趋中现象,即不能只给中间档次的分数,该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分),该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时,应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑,英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认,以致影响交际,或字数明显少于要求,将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分:圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分:完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确,虽有小错,但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分:基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误,但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分:完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多,部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分:未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多,严重影响理解

0分:所传达的信息或所用语言太少,无法评价;所写内容与题目要求完全无关
陶果果 发表于 2023-10-24 22:01 | 显示全部楼层
评分及评语:

根据提供的英文短文内容,我给出如下的评分和评语:

总分:20分

档次:第三档 13-18分

评语:这篇作文基本完成了题目要求的任务,提到了哪一个假期令你难忘以及为什么难忘的原因。语法结构和词汇基本满足任务要求,存在一些语言错误但不影响理解。然而,需要注意的是文章在表达上有些简单,没有展开具体描述所参与的志愿工作及其对老年人的影响,可以在内容方面进一步丰富和发展。同时,拼写、标点和书写方面也需要加强,以提高语言表达的准确性。
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2023-10-24 22:04 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层
具体如何修改,要求字数120左右,评分标准为第一档
陶果果 发表于 2023-10-24 22:04 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-24 22:04
具体如何修改,要求字数120左右,评分标准为第一档 ...

As for me, the summer vacation when I became a volunteer in my community organization was truly an unforgettable holiday. There are several reasons why it left such a deep impression on me.

Firstly, I chose to become a volunteer to help the elderly in my community. I assisted them with washing their clothes, doing housework, reading to them, and engaging in conversations. Witnessing the happiness on their faces while I was doing these tasks was truly heartwarming. Not only did I bring joy to their lives, but also it added color and meaning to my own life. It is remarkable how a little act of kindness can make a significant impact on those in need.

Furthermore, being a volunteer provided me with valuable life lessons. I learned the importance of compassion, empathy, and selflessness. Engaging in such activities made me realize the value of helping others and the satisfaction that comes from making a difference in someone's life. It was a humbling experience that taught me to appreciate the smallest things in life and to never take anything for granted.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that everyone should engage in volunteer work. Together, we can create a better society where everyone has an opportunity to live a more fulfilling life. Being a volunteer not only benefits those in need but also enriches our own lives. Let us join hands and make a positive difference in the world.

Overall, this revised essay meets the requirements of the task and effectively expresses all the key points. The language used is accurate and appropriate, demonstrating a good command of grammar and vocabulary. The writer also demonstrates a clear and organized structure. However, there is still room for improvement in terms of providing specific examples and further developing the content. Additionally, attention should be paid to spelling, punctuation, and handwriting to enhance the overall quality of the essay.
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2023-10-24 22:05 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层
请在我作文的基础上进行修改,字数110字左右,评分标准为第一档
陶果果 发表于 2023-10-24 22:06 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-24 22:05
请在我作文的基础上进行修改,字数110字左右,评分标 ...

As for me, the summer vacation when I became a volunteer in my community organization was truly an unforgettable holiday. There are several reasons why it left such a deep impression on me.

Firstly, I chose to be a volunteer to help the elderly in our community. I assisted them with household chores, such as washing clothes and doing housework. Additionally, I spent time reading to them and engaging in conversations, which brought smiles to their faces. Witnessing their happiness and gratitude made me realize how meaningful and colorful life can be by helping others.

In conclusion, I strongly encourage everyone to join volunteer teams. Together, we can make a difference and bring positivity to those in need.
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2023-10-24 22:08 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层
我写的作文和你修改后的作文相比,两者之间的区别在哪里
陶果果 发表于 2023-10-24 22:09 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-24 22:08
我写的作文和你修改后的作文相比,两者之间的区别在哪 ...

我修改后的作文相较于你原来的作文,在以下几个方面进行了改进:

1. 表达更加清晰:我对你原来的作文内容进行了重组和调整,使得句子结构更加流畅,信息传达更加明确。这样可以让读者更好地理解你在做志愿者时为什么难忘。

2. 语法和词汇更加准确:我对你原来的作文中的一些语法错误和词汇不准确之处进行了修正。这样可以提高整体的语言表达准确性。

3. 符合要求的字数:根据你的要求,我将作文进行了适当的删减和修改,使得字数满足了120字左右的要求。

总体来说,修改后的作文更符合第一档评分标准,内容结构清晰、语言准确、表达流畅。希望对你有帮助!
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