2016年4月份作文：Fight against Haze

作文内容：
2016年4月份作文：Fight against Haze。内容包括：雾霾会造成哪些危害？我们可以采取哪些措施。

Fight against Haze

   Inrecent years, much more attention than ever before has been paid to the airpollution: haze. When haze weather comes, the whole city is very worst. For onething , this can cause heavy health problem. For another, it can also bring thetraffic problems because of the poor visibility conditions.

  Dueto the bad effects for pollution haze, a green and clear environment , ratherthan anything else, turns to be an important role and an urgent issue in our dailylives. So we need to take effective measures.

   On one side, people should choose publictransportation to reduce resource waste and environmental pollution. On theother side, the government should shut down heavy-polluting factories to reduceenvironmental pollution. Beside these, the government should make some laws toprotect the environment.

  Themeasures are necessary to fight against haze.We should enhance the awareness ofenvironment protection and choose a green lifestyle to make contribution to ourearth.

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
• 语言运用较为准确、恰当
  

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

• 清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
• 运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
• 语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解
  

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

• 提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
• 运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
• 存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解
  

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

• 遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇单调。
• 语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解
  

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

• 明显遗漏内容要点
• 语法结构和词汇极单调
• 语言错误很多，严重影响理解
  

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

评分标准如下：

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

针对这篇作文，我会给出一个第三档（13-18分）的等级。

评分理由：
文章围绕主题"Fight against Haze"展开，明确指出雾霾会造成危害，并提出了应该采取的措施，基本完成了试题的要求。但是，文章表达不够清楚，有些地方需要进一步发展和解释。语言运用上，有一些小错误，但不影响理解。总体来说，作者对于主题的理解和表达还有待加强。

在我的作文基础上，如何具体的进行修改

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-10 19:32
在我的作文基础上，如何具体的进行修改 ...

以下是对你的作文进行修改和改进的建议：

Fight against Haze

In recent years, much more attention has been paid to the problem of air pollution, particularly haze. When haze weather occurs, it poses various hazards to our society. Firstly, it seriously affects our health, leading to respiratory problems and other illnesses. Secondly, it causes traffic problems due to poor visibility conditions.

Given the harmful effects of haze, it is crucial to prioritize the creation of a green and clean environment. We need to take effective measures to combat this issue.

On an individual level, people can contribute by choosing public transportation over private vehicles, which reduces both resource waste and environmental pollution. This will not only decrease the emissions of greenhouse gases but also alleviate traffic congestion. Additionally, individuals can play a role by conserving energy at home and in the workplace. Simple actions like turning off lights when not in use and using energy-efficient appliances can make a significant difference.

A crucial aspect is the role of the government. They should enforce stricter regulations on industries and shut down heavy-polluting factories to reduce environmental pollution. Implementing and enforcing these regulations will help achieve cleaner air for everyone. Moreover, the government should invest in the development and promotion of renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power. By shifting towards cleaner and more sustainable forms of energy, we can reduce our dependence on fossil fuels and significantly decrease air pollution.

Furthermore, educational campaigns and awareness programs should be conducted to educate the public about the damaging effects of haze and the importance of sustainable living. Through these initiatives, people will become more conscious of their actions and make informed choices in their daily lives.

To conclude, fighting against haze requires collective efforts from both individuals and the government. By prioritizing a green lifestyle, promoting renewable energy, and enforcing stricter regulations, we can combat this pressing issue and create a healthier and cleaner environment for current and future generations.

这样修改后的作文更加详细和具体，言之有物。句子结构上也进行了一些改进，使得表达更加流畅和清晰。同时，通过添加一些例子和论证来支持观点，使文章更具说服力。这样修改后的作文应该能够达到第二档甚至第一档的水平。

英语二写作要求是在100字左右，能否简化？题干要求是完成一篇100词左右的英文写作任务。

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-10 19:34
英语二写作要求是在100字左右，能否简化？题干要求是 ...

Certainly! Here's a simplified version of the essay within the required word count:

Fight against Haze

Haze pollution is a growing concern in recent years. It brings various harms, such as health risks and traffic problems due to poor visibility. To combat this issue, we should take effective measures. Firstly, individuals should use public transportation to reduce resource waste and environmental pollution. Secondly, the government should shut down heavy-polluting factories to minimize environmental damage. Additionally, implementing laws to protect the environment is crucial. It is essential for us to raise awareness of environmental protection and adopt a green lifestyle to contribute to a cleaner and healthier earth.

能否就你第一次提供的修改内容，翻译一下。我在你的基础上添加吧

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-10 19:38
能否就你第一次提供的修改内容，翻译一下。我在你的基 ...

当然可以！以下是对我之前提供的修改内容的翻译：
与雾霾作斗争
近年来，越来越多的关注被付诸于空气污染的问题，尤其是雾霾。当雾霾天气出现时，它会带来许多危害，如健康风险、交通问题等。

我指的是这篇：
Fight against Haze

In recent years, much more attention has been paid to the problem of air pollution, particularly haze. When haze weather occurs, it poses various hazards to our society. Firstly, it seriously affects our health, leading to respiratory problems and other illnesses. Secondly, it causes traffic problems due to poor visibility conditions.

Given the harmful effects of haze, it is crucial to prioritize the creation of a green and clean environment. We need to take effective measures to combat this issue.

On an individual level, people can contribute by choosing public transportation over private vehicles, which reduces both resource waste and environmental pollution. This will not only decrease the emissions of greenhouse gases but also alleviate traffic congestion. Additionally, individuals can play a role by conserving energy at home and in the workplace. Simple actions like turning off lights when not in use and using energy-efficient appliances can make a significant difference.

A crucial aspect is the role of the government. They should enforce stricter regulations on industries and shut down heavy-polluting factories to reduce environmental pollution. Implementing and enforcing these regulations will help achieve cleaner air for everyone. Moreover, the government should invest in the development and promotion of renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power. By shifting towards cleaner and more sustainable forms of energy, we can reduce our dependence on fossil fuels and significantly decrease air pollution.

Furthermore, educational campaigns and awareness programs should be conducted to educate the public about the damaging effects of haze and the importance of sustainable living. Through these initiatives, people will become more conscious of their actions and make informed choices in their daily lives.

To conclude, fighting against haze requires collective efforts from both individuals and the government. By prioritizing a green lifestyle, promoting renewable energy, and enforcing stricter regulations, we can combat this pressing issue and create a healthier and cleaner environment for current and future generations.

sophia168118 发表于 2023-10-10 19:39
我指的是这篇：
Fight against Haze

In recent years ...

评分：第二档 19-24分

总体印象：
这篇作文较好地完成了任务，清晰表达了内容要点。语言运用基本正确，词汇和句式运用较为恰当。然而，存在一些语法错误和表达不准确的问题。

具体评分和修改建议：
1. 第一段中，"For on thing" 应改为 "For one thing"。
2. 第二段中，"rather than anything else" 可以改为 "above all else" 或 "first and foremost"，这样可以更好地突出环境对我们日常生活的重要性。
3. 在倒数第二段中，"the development and promotion of renewable energy sources" 可以改为 "developing and promoting renewable energy sources"，使用现在分词形式来表示一个持续的动作。
4. 最后一段的结论较为简单，可以加入一些对未来的展望，例如："By working together and taking proactive measures, we can create a future where clean air and a sustainable environment are the norm."

综上所述，除了一些语法错误和表达不准确的问题外，这篇作文的内容和结构都是符合要求的，展示了对抗雾霾的重要措施。希望我的反馈对你有所帮助。