作文批改及评分

Green Transportation
     I do a lot of things to support green transportation, such as riding a bike, taking a bus and walking. Personally.I prefer riding a bike.
     When I was a little child, I did not know how to ride a bike. My mother e taught me to ride a bike after dinner every day. After I grow up, I learn to ride a bike by myself. Shortly afterwards, I teach my boy to ride a bike every day as well. I am used to riding a bike to work. Till now, it is my favorite. The primary factor is that it helps me to get a healthy body and reduce pollution."
I hope that everyone can enjoy the fun of riding a bike, which is really helpful for our environment.

Green Transportation

I do a lot of things to support green transportation, such as riding a bike, taking a bus, and walking. Personally, I prefer riding a bike.

When I was a little child, I did not know how to ride a bike. My mother taught me to ride a bike after dinner every day. As I grew up, I learned to ride a bike by myself. Shortly afterwards, I started teaching my son to ride a bike every day as well. I am now used to riding a bike to work, and it has become my favorite mode of transportation. The primary factor for this preference is that it helps me maintain a healthy body and reduce pollution.

I hope that everyone can enjoy the fun of riding a bike, as it is really helpful for our environment.

Overall, your essay conveys the importance of green transportation and highlights your personal experience with riding a bike. However, there are some areas that can be improved.

1. Organization: The essay starts and ends abruptly, without a clear introduction or conclusion. It would be better to provide an introduction stating the topic and purpose of the essay, and a conclusion summarizing your main points.

2. Grammar and sentence structure: There are some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures throughout the essay. For example, "My mother e taught me" should be "My mother taught me," and "Shortly afterward, I teach my boy" should be "Shortly afterward, I taught my son." Review your essay for these errors and make appropriate corrections.

3. Supporting details: While you mention that riding a bike helps you maintain a healthy body and reduce pollution, it would be beneficial to provide specific examples or evidence to support these claims. This would strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

4. Length and development: The essay is quite short and lacks development. Consider expanding on your personal experiences with riding a bike and explaining in more detail how it benefits both your health and the environment.

Overall, I would give your essay a score of 6 out of 10. It has potential but could benefit from further development and improvement in grammar and structure.

批改后的文章

王红莉 发表于 2023-10-09 15:36
批改后的文章

Green Transportation

I do a lot of things to support green transportation, such as riding a bike, taking a bus, and walking. Personally, I prefer riding a bike.

When I was a little child, I did not know how to ride a bike. My mother taught me to ride a bike after dinner every day. As I grew up, I learned to ride a bike by myself. Shortly afterward, I taught my son to ride a bike every day as well. Now, I am used to riding a bike to work and it has become my favorite mode of transportation. The primary reason for this preference is that it helps me maintain a healthy body and reduce pollution.

Riding a bike not only provides exercise but also contributes significantly to the environment. By choosing to ride a bike instead of driving a car, I reduce my carbon footprint and decrease air pollution. This small action may seem insignificant, but if more people are encouraged to ride bikes, it can make a significant impact on the overall air quality and reduce traffic congestion.

Additionally, riding a bike is a cost-effective method of transportation. It eliminates the need for paying for fuel or public transportation tickets, thus saving money in the long run. Moreover, it allows me to avoid the stress of finding parking spaces and reduces the time spent commuting.

In conclusion, riding a bike is not only a personal preference for me, but it is also an environmentally-friendly and cost-effective choice. I encourage everyone to explore the benefits of riding a bike and consider incorporating it into their daily lives. By doing so, we can collectively contribute to a greener and healthier future for our planet.

Overall, your essay has improved in terms of organization and development. The introduction provides a clear statement of your topic and the conclusion summarizes your main points effectively. The grammar and sentence structure have also been corrected, making the essay more readable. However, there are still areas that could be further developed to strengthen your argument. Providing specific examples or evidence to support the benefits of riding a bike would enhance the persuasiveness of your essay. Additionally, you could expand on how riding a bike contributes to reducing traffic congestion and improving air quality. Considering these suggestions, I would give your revised essay a score of 7 out of 10.