作文批改

Nowadays,modern people put entertainment in a more and more important status,they have a varies ways of entertainment.such as singing KTV with friends, go hiking with family remembers,reading English books and so on. From me perspective,it is totally udoubted that the go hiking is my favorite entertainment.the reasons why I believe so are lited as below.                    
The first piont that I want to mention is that I like breathe the fresh air outside,and that is because the fresh air can make me ralax. What is more,it is easier for us to understand the go hiking can make me happy.which is bacause when I am attracted by the nature , my boring will go with the wind.
From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conclusion that the go hiking is my favorite entertainment. After all,I can breathe fresh air and make me get happiness.


批改作文

现代人把娱乐放在越来越重要的位置，他们有各种各样的娱乐方式，比如和朋友一起唱K歌，与家人一起去远足，阅读英语书籍等等。从我的角度来看，毫无疑问，远足是我最喜欢的娱乐方式。我认为如下原因：

首先，我喜欢呼吸新鲜空气，因为新鲜空气可以让我放松。更重要的是，我们更容易理解，远足可以让我快乐。这是因为当我被大自然所吸引时，我的无聊感就会随风而去。

从上面所提到的，我们可以轻易得出结论，远足是我最喜欢的娱乐方式。毕竟，我可以呼吸新鲜空气，获得快乐。

批改意见：
1. 作文第一句话缺少主语，应该加上“很多”或者“现代人”。
2. 第二段中，“我的角度来看”不太合适，可以用“我认为”或“我相信”等词汇替换。
3. 第三段中，“我的无聊感”应该改为“我的无聊情绪”更加准确。
4. 最后一段中，“获得快乐”这个短语可以用更加正式的表述，“获得愉悦和享受”会更加合适。