梦想

Everyone has his own dream. The dream is a wonderful thing that people can have many wishes about tomorrow. Dream, as the star on the night, can direct people to go ahead.

I want to be a painter from my childhood. I want to memorize all of the beautiful things in the world with my pencil. I have many fancies about the world. I want to go to all over the world, seeing the scenery, and note all my experience in my own way. I can use the blue to paint the taste of dream, use the red to paint the hope of tomorrow, use the green to safeguard the world.

My dream is simple but I will spare no effort to make it come true.

评分：18分

作文类型：议论文

**内容要点**

这篇作文围绕着"梦想"这个主题进行了论述，并具体谈到了作者的个人梦想——成为一名画家。文章表达了自己用绘画去记录世界美好事物的想法，以及为实现梦想而努力的态度。

**篇章结构**

作文结构清晰，分为引言、主体和结尾三个部分。引言部分介绍了梦想的重要性，主体部分描述了作者的个人梦想，结尾表达了实现梦想的决心。

**语言运用**

- 语法：文中语法基本正确，但有一些小错误。例如，“I want to go to all over the world”中的“to”可以去掉更合适。此外，一些陈述句的结构可以更加多样化。
- 词汇：词汇使用简单而有效，但略显单调。可以尝试使用更多高级词汇或表达来增加文章的丰富性。
- 拼写与标点符号：基本无误。

**改进建议**

1. **丰富词汇**：可以使用更多的描绘性词汇来增强文章的感染力，例如在描述“美丽事物”时可以用如“breathtaking”之类的词。

2. **多样化句子结构**：使用不同的句型，如复合句和复杂句，来增加文章的深度和趣味性。例如，可以将“Dream, as the star on the night, can direct people to go ahead.”改为“Just like stars that guide travelers at night, dreams lead us forward in life.”

3. **细节描写**：加入一些具体的细节，如对具体绘画作品的设想或特殊场景的描述，以让读者更能理解和感受到你的梦想。

4. **连接词**：在段落之间和句子之间增加一些连接词，以增强文章的流畅性和逻辑性。

整体而言，这是一篇基本完成任务的作文，表达了核心内容，但在语言的丰富性和细节描写方面还有提升空间。

修改作文

Maggie0126 发表于 2025-10-03 04:04
修改作文

Everyone has their own dream, a wonderful vision that fills them with hopes and wishes for the future. Dreams, like stars in the night sky, guide us towards our destiny.

Since childhood, I have dreamed of becoming a painter. With my pencil, I aspire to capture and preserve all the beautiful things the world has to offer. My imagination is filled with vivid visions of traveling across the globe, observing breathtaking landscapes, and recording my experiences through art in my unique style. I envision using blue to convey the essence of dreams, red to symbolize hope for tomorrow, and green to represent the preservation of our planet.

My dream may be simple, but I am determined to dedicate all my effort to make it a reality. I understand that achieving this goal requires passion, persistence, and creativity, and I vow to nurture these qualities on my journey to becoming an accomplished artist.