My favorite Job

It is well known that job is very important in our lives.A joy may be no earn many money,but it helps people have some please.my favorite joy is teacher.Here are the reasons.
First of all,become a teacher,you have many children,teach them reading books and writing letter.helps children understand word in the world.Next,teach them knowledge,it not only helps happiness and helthy lives to them,but also helps more understand words in their lives.Last but not least,become a teacher,have many children,make me feeling happiness.

评分：第五档 (1-6分)

1. 内容要点：文章试图表达作者对教师职业的喜爱，并给出了一些原因，但表达不够清晰，关键内容点传达不足。

2. 篇章结构：文章结构简单，有三个基本部分，但连贯性有待加强。缺乏具体细节和实例支持论点。

3. 语法结构和词汇：语法结构使用不当，词汇单调重复。以下是一些明显的语法和词汇问题：
   - "joy" 应为 "job"。
   - "no earn many money" 应改为 "may not earn much money"。
   - "please" 应改为 "pleasure"。
   - "teacher" 前应加冠词 "a"，即 "a teacher"。
   - "become a teacher,you have many children" 建议改为 "as a teacher, you have the opportunity to teach many children"。
   - "teach them reading books and writing letter" 改为 "teach them how to read and write"。
   - "helps children understand word in the world" 改为 "helps children understand the world"。
   - "it not only helps happiness and helthy lives to them" 可改为 "it contributes to their happiness and healthy lives"。
   - "helps more understand words" 改为 "helps them better understand the world"。
   - 在最后一句中，应该是 "make me feel happy"。

4. 推荐修改建议：
   - 增加细节和例子，以支持你的观点。例如，分享你为什么选择成为老师，或者描述一个具体的教学经历。
   - 注意语法和拼写的准确性，尤其是常见的错误和混淆。
   - 尝试使用过渡词来改善段落之间的衔接，使文章更流畅。
   - 扩展词汇量，避免重复使用相同的词汇。尝试使用更多的形容词和副词来丰富描述。