Online Shopping

With the development of the internet,online shopping has become more and more popular in our daily life nowadays.Many people choose online shopping improve themselves,the reasons are as follows.
Firstly,it brings us a lot of happiness.For example,we can buy many things on online.In addition,it not only provides us with a variety of lifestyle,but also helps us improve our quality of life.What’s more,it brings us a lots of convenience,and we can learn something on online,such as knowledge,game,online shopping and learn other culture and so on.
So,I prefer online shopping beacuse it makes our life very meaningful.

#### 评分档次：第三档（13-18分）

### 评分理由：

1. **内容要点**：文章涉及了几点关于在线购物好处的内容，基本完成任务，但没有提供详细的论据或具体例子。缺少对在线购物潜在缺点的讨论，使得论述不够全面。

2. **篇章结构**：结构较为简单，段落之间的衔接也较为生硬。开头和结尾较为仓促，没有充分展开。

3. **语言运用**：存在多处语法和拼写错误，词汇使用较为单一，但基本意思可以理解。

### 不足之处：
1. **语法错误**：
   - “Many people choose online shopping improve themselves”应为“Many people choose online shopping to improve themselves”。
   - “we can buy many things on online.”应为“we can buy many things online.”
   - “it brings us a lots of convenience,”应为“it brings us a lot of convenience,”
   - “I prefer online shopping beacuse it makes our life very meaningful.”应为“I prefer online shopping because it makes our life very meaningful.”

2. **表达重复**：
   - “we can learn something on online, such as knowledge, game, online shopping and learn other culture and so on.” 这一句中的“online”重复且赘余。

3. **细节不足**：
   - 文章中提到在线购物的好处，但没有具体解释这些好处如何改善生活质量。这些论点需要更详细的支持和具体的实例。

4. **衔接词使用不足**：
   - 缺乏适当的过渡词，例如“Furthermore”, “In addition”等，以增强段落之间的连贯性。

### 修改建议：
1. **改正语法错误**：
   - 例如：“Many people choose online shopping to improve themselves.”

2. **增加细节和实例**：
   - 提供具体的例子或数据来支持你的观点。例如，可以举例说明在线购物如何节省时间、金钱，或者解决具体问题。

3. **丰富词汇和句式**：
   - 尝试使用不同的词汇和复杂的句式来提高文章的层次感。

4. **使用过渡词**：
   - 增加过渡词来增强文章的连贯性，例如“Moreover, online shopping offers the convenience of comparing prices across different stores without leaving home.”

### 示例修改：

1. Online Shopping
   
2. 
   
3. With the development of the internet, online shopping has become increasingly popular in our daily life. Many people choose online shopping to improve their lives for several reasons.
   
4. 
   
5. Firstly, it brings us substantial happiness. For instance, we can buy various items online, from clothes to electronics, without stepping out of our homes. Furthermore, it not only provides us with diverse lifestyle choices but also enhances our quality of life by saving time and offering competitive prices.
   
6. 
   
7. Moreover, online shopping offers great convenience. We can easily access information and learn new skills or cultures through online resources. This convenience extends beyond shopping to making our lives more efficient and enriching.
   
8. 
   
9. In conclusion, I prefer online shopping because it significantly contributes to making our life more meaningful and convenient.

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### 评分：18分