作文评分并修改

Dear Tom,
     I have been a volunteer in 2010 Shanghai EXPO, it was really an unforgettable experience. Although volunteer's work was hard and tired, I still feel very happy.Because it offers me a good opportunity to help visitors from foreign counties thus can practice my oral English. I also enhance my sense of reasonability during volunteer work. I worked with other volunteers as a team, together we solved different problems, we also became good friends after EXPO. I was proud of myself and surely I will treasure this experience.

                                                      Yours,
                                                       LiKe


请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

Dear Tom,

I have been a volunteer at the 2010 Shanghai EXPO, and it was truly an unforgettable experience. Despite the hard and tiring work, I felt very happy because it provided me with a great opportunity to help visitors from foreign countries and practice my oral English. Additionally, my sense of responsibility was greatly strengthened during this volunteer work. Working alongside other volunteers as a team, we were able to solve various problems, and we even became good friends after the EXPO. I am proud of myself for this experience, and I will definitely treasure it.

Yours sincerely,
LiKe

Overall, your essay is well-written and effectively conveys your experience as a volunteer at the 2010 Shanghai EXPO. However, there are a few areas where improvements can be made.

Firstly, I would suggest adding more specific examples or anecdotes to support your claims about the benefits of volunteering. For instance, you can elaborate on a particular interaction with a foreign visitor that helped you improve your oral English skills.

Secondly, I noticed that there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in your essay. Here are a few suggestions for improvement:

- In the sentence "Because it offers me a good opportunity to help visitors from foreign counties thus can practice my oral English," consider rephrasing it as "Because it offered me a good opportunity to help visitors from foreign countries, allowing me to practice my oral English."

- In the sentence "I also enhance my sense of reasonability during volunteer work," use "enhanced" instead of "enhance" to maintain verb tense consistency.

- In the sentence "We also became good friends after EXPO," consider adding "the" before "EXPO," making it "after the EXPO."

Lastly, I would recommend expanding on the part where you mention becoming good friends with other volunteers after the EXPO. How did this friendship develop and what impact did it have on your overall experience? Providing more details would make your essay more engaging and personal.

Taking these suggestions into account, I would give your essay a score of 7 out of 10. Good job overall, and keep up the good work!