作文批改

作文内容：

The environment is facing many challenges in the modern world.Pollution,deforestation,and loss of biodiversity are just a few of the issues that we must address to ensure a sustainable future.

To protect the environment,we must take action.we can start by reducing carbon footprint,using renewable energy sources, and reducing waste.we can also support that work to protect the environment,and raise awareness about the importance of conservation.

We must also hold individual,businesses,governments accountable for their role in protecting the environment.By implementing stricter regulations and promoting sustainable practices, we can ensure that the environment on earth is protected.

In conclusion,protecting the environment is everyone’s responsibility.By taking action and promoting sustainable practices,we can ensure a brighter future for our planet

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

According to the given scoring criteria, we will evaluate and score the essay based on its content, organization, and language use.

Content (Did the essay address the topic and cover all the key points?)
The essay addresses the topic of environmental challenges in the modern world and discusses the importance of protecting the environment. It mentions pollution, deforestation, loss of biodiversity, carbon footprint reduction, renewable energy sources, waste reduction, supporting environmental protection work, raising awareness, and holding individuals, businesses, and governments accountable. The essay covers all the key points and provides a clear message about the importance of protecting the environment.

Score: 25-30

Organization (Is the essay well-structured and coherent?)
The essay has a clear introduction that presents the topic and states the importance of taking action to protect the environment. The body paragraphs provide specific actions that can be taken and emphasize the need for accountability. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of protecting the environment. The essay is well-organized and flows logically from one point to another.

Score: 25-30

Language Use (Is the language accurate and appropriate?)
The language used in the essay is generally accurate and appropriate. There are no major grammar or spelling errors that significantly affect understanding. However, there are a few minor errors, such as missing articles ("the") and inconsistent verb tenses. Additionally, some sentences could be more concise and better structured for clarity. Overall, the language use is sufficient to convey the message effectively.

Score: 19-24

Overall Score: 25-30

Suggestions for Improvement:
1. Pay attention to small language errors, such as missing articles and inconsistent verb tenses.
2. Simplify sentences for better clarity and conciseness.
3. Provide specific examples or evidence to support the points made in the essay.
4. Use more varied vocabulary to enhance the language use.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and effectively conveys the importance of protecting the environment. With some minor improvements in language use, the essay could be even stronger. Well done!