作文批改

                                           Lets Save Water
    Recently, more and more people are talking about save water. From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that water is very important for living things .The reason why I believe so are listed as below.
    The first point that I want to mention is that we can’t without water, and that is because we need to drink water and wash with water. If there is no water, our life will be terrible. Crops and vegetables will die. What is more , it is easier for us to understand that we must save water, which is because we can save water by turning off running taps. We can use shower instead of bath.
    From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conclusion that water is very important for living things. After all, we can’t live without water and we must save water.


请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

作文批改如下：

评分：第四档（7-12分）

不足之处：
1.缺乏逻辑性和连贯性。文章没有明确的开头和结尾，也没有一个明确的主题句，导致文章整体缺乏条理和逻辑性。
2.语言表达不够准确和流畅。有一些句子结构不正确，使用的词汇和短语也比较简单和重复，缺乏变化和丰富性。
3.存在一些语法错误和拼写错误。例如，"we can’t without water"应为"we can't live without water"；"Crops and vegetables will die"可以改为"Crops and vegetables will die without water."另外，need后面应该接动词原形。

改写建议：
1.明确文章的主题和主旨，并在开头进行总结，如"The importance of saving water".
2.在文章中增加一些具体的例子来支持自己的观点，如节约用水的方法、水资源紧缺的地区等。
3.注意语言的准确性和流畅性，可以使用一些连接词和过渡词来使得文章更连贯，如"First of all, Secondly, Finally, In conclusion".
4.最后，仔细检查语法错误和拼写错误。

改写示例：
Recently, the issue of water conservation has been receiving more attention and discussion. I strongly believe that water is an essential resource for all living organisms. There are several reasons to support my view.

First and foremost, water is crucial for our survival. Without water, we cannot survive as we need it for drinking and washing. Imagine a life without water; it would be unbearable. In addition, the absence of water will also have a devastating impact on agriculture. Crops and vegetables will wither and die without proper irrigation. Therefore, it is essential that we save water for the sake of our own existence.

Furthermore, saving water is not only necessary but also feasible. We can adopt simple practices in our daily lives, such as turning off running taps and using showers instead of baths. These small changes can contribute significantly to water conservation.

Moreover, it is important to realize that water scarcity is a global issue. Many regions around the world are facing water shortages and are struggling to meet their water needs. By conserving water, we can make a difference and help alleviate this problem.

In conclusion, water is a precious resource that we must conserve. It is vital for our survival and for the sustainability of our planet. By making small changes in our daily habits, we can play our part in saving water for future generations. Let's take action now and save water together.