作文评分并修改

Recently, more and more people are talking about shortage of water. From my perspective, it is totally undoubted that to save water. The reasons why I believe so are listed as below.

The first point that I want to mention is that water is the source of life，and that is because there can be no life on earth without water . The second point that We can’t live without water. We need water to drink. We use water to brush our teeth and wash our faces. If there is no water, our life will be terrible.Therefore,we must save water.Not only should we protect drinking water and stop polluting it, but we should also make efficient use of it.We can take a shower instead of having a bath.

From what I mention above, we can easily come to the conclusion that it is important that to save water. After all, If we don’t save water, the last drop of water will be our tears.
请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

评分和修改：

根据评分标准，我会给出第三档的13-18分。

以下是我对作文进行的修改和改进建议：

Recently, more and more people are talking about the shortage of water. From my perspective, it is undeniable that saving water is crucial. The reasons why I believe so are listed below.

Firstly, water is the source of life. Without water, there can be no life on earth. Secondly, we cannot survive without water. We need water to drink, to brush our teeth, and to wash our faces. If there is no water, our lives will be terrible. Therefore, it is essential that we save water. Not only should we protect drinking water and stop polluting it, but we should also make efficient use of it. For example, we can take a shower instead of having a bath.

In conclusion, saving water is of utmost importance. If we don't save water, the last drop of water will be our tears.

修改建议：

1. 首先，将题目中的“save water”改为“the shortage of water”，以更准确地反映文章内容。

2. 第一段中，“undoubted”改为“undeniable”。

3. 第一段末尾，将“The reasons why I believe so are listed as below.”改为“The reasons for my belief are as follows:”。

4. 第二段中，“The first point that I want to mention is that water is the source of life，and that is because there can be no life on earth without water .”可以改为“One of the main reasons for saving water is that it is the source of life. Without water, there can be no life on earth.”

5. 第三段中，“We use water to brush our teeth and wash our faces.”可以改为“We use water for daily tasks such as brushing our teeth and washing our faces.”

6. 第四段中，“we must save water”可以改为“it is essential that we save water”。

7. 第四段末尾，“We can take a shower instead of having a bath.”建议在前面加上一个过渡词，如“Moreover”，以更好地连接文章内容。

8. 结尾部分，将“If we don’t save water, the last drop of water will be our tears.”改为“In conclusion, saving water is of utmost importance. If we don't save water, the consequences will be dire.”这样更加强调了保存水资源的重要性。

希望以上修改和改进建议对你有所帮助！