作文批改

My hobby is playing basketball. It's so much fun! I started playing it when I was in Grade 7.
I love it because it makes me stronger and healthier. Every time I play, I run, jump, and shoot, which is great exercise. Also, playing basketball helps me make new friends. We work together as a team and encourage each other. Besides, it teaches me how to face difficulties. When we lose a game, we don't give up. Instead, we practice harder to win the next time. Basketball brings so much joy to my life!

### 作文评分  
**档次：第二档（19-24分）**  
**分数：22分**  

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### 总体评价  
这篇作文围绕“我的爱好是打篮球”这一主题，清晰表达了内容要点，包括爱好是什么、何时开始、喜爱的原因（强身健体、结交朋友、学会面对困难）以及篮球带来的快乐。结构完整，语言基本准确，但句式和词汇稍显单一，部分内容可进一步深化。  

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### 具体分析  
1. **内容与结构**  
   - **优点**：要点齐全（爱好、时间、原因、意义），段落分明，逻辑清晰。  
   - **不足**：内容较为泛泛，缺乏具体事例支撑（如“面对困难”可举例某次比赛失败后努力训练的经历）。  

2. **语言运用**  
   - **优点**：语法基本正确，时态使用恰当，简单句表达清楚。  
   - **不足**：  
     - 句式单一，多为简单句（如“I love it because...”“Also, playing basketball...”）。  
     - 部分表达重复（如“stronger and healthier”可替换为“improve physical fitness”）。  
     - 个别语法细节需优化（如“which is great exercise”中，主语为多个动作，建议改为“which are great exercises”）。  

3. **词汇与连贯性**  
   - **优点**：使用基本连接词（Also, Besides），段落间有过渡。  
   - **不足**：词汇较基础，可提升丰富性（如“make new friends”可替换为“build meaningful friendships”）；部分衔接稍显生硬（如“Also”后直接接句子，可改为“Additionally”或“Furthermore”）。  

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### 批改建议  
1. **内容深化**：增加具体事例，如描述一次团队合作或克服失败的经历，使内容更生动。  
2. **句式多样化**：尝试复合句或强调句（如“Not only does basketball strengthen my body, but it also teaches me resilience”）。  
3. **词汇升级**：替换重复词汇，使用更精准的表达（如“encourage each other”可改为“support each other’s growth”）。  
4. **衔接优化**：使用高级连接词（如“Moreover”“In addition”）增强段落连贯性。  

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### 修改示例  
**原文**：  
*When we lose a game, we don’t give up. Instead, we practice harder to win the next time.*  
**优化后**：  
*Even when we lose a game, instead of feeling discouraged, we analyze our mistakes and dedicate ourselves to rigorous training, aiming for victory in the next challenge.*  

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通过以上改进，作文可在语言丰富性和内容深度上更上一层楼，达到更高档次的要求。