设为首页收藏本站今日发布APP下载 温馨提醒您:今天是2025年06月16日,距离2025年10月统考还有

厦门撷墨官网

 找回密码
 新学员注册

QQ登录

只需一步,快速开始

微信登录

微信扫码,快速开始

搜索

Green Transportation:作文批改

  [复制链接]
3323 |5
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-24 20:15 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Green Transportation
Green transportation plays a crucial role in our daily lives.due to its numerous benefits; it is helpful, beneficial, and necessary for both individuals and the environment.
To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing pubic transportation instead of private vehicles, which reduces resource consumption and environmental pollution.Additionally, we can become volunteers in our community organizations to promote awareness about the importance of green transportation.From my prespective, opting to ride a bike daily not only protects our environment but also helps me maintain good health. Biking is one of the most  effective ways to enhance my physical well-being.
As far as I`m concerned, riding a bike is a very important way to save energy.
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-24 20:16 | 显示全部楼层
### 评分

**档次:第三档(13-18分)**

**优点:**

1. **主题明确**:文章围绕绿色交通的重要性展开,有一定的说服力。
2. **语言运用基本正确**:句子结构大多数情况下正确,整体表达清晰。

**不足之处:**

1. **内容扩展不足**:虽然提到了骑自行车和使用公共交通的重要性,但缺乏更详细的解释和例证。还可以讨论其他绿色交通方式,如电动车或共享汽车等。
   
2. **篇章结构**:段落之间的连接不够紧密,可以通过过渡句使文章更加连贯。

3. **语言多样性**:词汇和句型较为单一,可以尝试使用更多不同的语法结构和词汇以增加文章的层次感。

4. **拼写错误**:"pubic" 应改为 "public";"prespective" 应为 "perspective"。

**建议:**

1. **扩展观点**:多提供一些具体例子和统计数据来支持观点,比如如何具体减少污染、节省多少资源等。

2. **丰富词汇**:可以使用同义词或近义词来替换文章中重复出现的词汇。

3. **改善结构**:在段落转折时添加过渡句,提高文章的连贯性。

4. **细化结论**:最后一段可以总结全文,并提出对未来的展望或号召。
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2024-10-24 20:17 | 显示全部楼层
请在我作文的基础上进行修改。
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-24 20:17 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-24 20:17
请在我作文的基础上进行修改。


Green Transportation

Green transportation plays a crucial role in our daily lives, thanks to its numerous benefits. It is not only helpful and beneficial but also necessary for both individuals and the environment.

To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing public transportation instead of private vehicles, which significantly reduces resource consumption and environmental pollution. Additionally, becoming volunteers in community organizations can further promote awareness about the importance of green transportation. For example, organizing events or workshops can educate others about sustainable practices.

From my perspective, opting to ride a bike daily not only protects our environment but also helps maintain good health. Biking is one of the most effective ways to enhance physical well-being, as it provides excellent cardiovascular exercise while commuting.

In addition to biking, other green transportation methods such as electric vehicles and carpooling should be considered. Electric vehicles reduce reliance on fossil fuels, while carpooling decreases the number of vehicles on the road, leading to lower emissions.

In conclusion, adopting green transportation methods is essential for conserving energy and protecting our planet. By making conscious choices in our daily commutes, we can collectively work towards a more sustainable future.
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2024-10-24 20:18 | 显示全部楼层
Green Transportation

Green transportation plays a crucial role in our daily lives, offering numerous benefits for both individuals and the environment. As far as I'm concerned, adopting green transportation methods is not just helpful and beneficial, but also essential.

To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing public transportation over private vehicles, which significantly reduces resource consumption and environmental pollution. Additionally, we can engage as volunteers in community organizations to promote awareness about the importance of green transportation. From my perspective, opting to ride a bike daily not only protects our environment but also helps me maintain good health. Biking is one of the most effective ways to enhance physical fitness while reducing our carbon footprint.

In summary, embracing green transportation options like biking is vital for conserving energy and preserving our planet for future generations. Let's all take steps towards a greener, healthier future.
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-24 20:18 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-24 20:18
Green Transportation

Green transportation plays a ...


### 修改后的版本

Green Transportation

Green transportation plays a crucial role in our daily lives, offering numerous benefits for both individuals and the environment. Adopting green transportation methods is not just helpful and beneficial, but also essential.

To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing public transportation over private vehicles, which significantly reduces resource consumption and environmental pollution. Additionally, engaging as volunteers in community organizations can promote awareness about the importance of green transportation. For instance, organizing local events or educational campaigns can encourage more people to participate in sustainable practices.

From my perspective, opting to ride a bike daily not only protects the environment but also helps maintain good health. Biking is one of the most effective ways to enhance physical fitness while reducing our carbon footprint. It serves as an excellent cardiovascular workout and offers a sustainable alternative to driving.

Moreover, exploring other green transportation options such as electric vehicles and carpooling could further amplify these positive impacts. Electric vehicles help decrease reliance on fossil fuels, while carpooling reduces the number of cars on the road, leading to lower emissions.

In summary, embracing green transportation options like biking is vital for conserving energy and preserving our planet for future generations. Let’s all take steps towards a greener, healthier future.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 新学员注册

本版积分规则

考前冲刺
重要公告

同学,你好

      近期学习安排

      (1)第一轮辅导资料包在个人学习系统-【资料更新】下载

      (2)每日学习安排详见学习计划表

      (3)个人学习系统唯一网址:www.xiemo.vip,建议电脑端登陆学习

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表