作文批改：Green Transportation

Green Transportation

Green transportation plays a very important role in our lives. As a matter of fact green trasportation is good for us in many ways. As for me, green transportation is helpful, beneficial and necessary.
To begin with, individuals can contributed by choosing pubic transportation instead of private vehicles, which helps reduce resource consumption and environmental pollution.Additionally, we can become volunteers in our community organizations to raise awarness about green transportation.For my prespective, I can choose to ride a bike in my daily life. Riding can not only protect our environment but also help me maintain good health. It is one of the most active and effective ways to enhance my physical well-being.
As far as I`m concerned, riding a bike is a very important to save energy.

Based on the provided essay and the scoring criteria, here is an evaluation and suggestions for improvement:

**Score: 19-24 (Second Tier)**

### Strengths:
1. **Content and Coherence**: The essay covers key points related to green transportation, discussing public transportation, volunteer work, and personal choices like biking. It maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
2. **Language Usage**: Basic grammar and vocabulary are used correctly for the most part. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures.

### Areas for Improvement:
1. **Grammar and Punctuation**:
   - "contributed" should be "contribute" in "individuals can contributed."
   - "trasportation" has a typo and should be "transportation."
   - "pubic" should be corrected to "public."
   - "awarness" should be spelled "awareness."
   - "For my prespective," should read "From my perspective,".
   - "a very important to save energy" should be "very important for saving energy."

2. **Clarity and Style**:
   - The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Consider starting new sentences with transition words or phrases to improve flow (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition").
   - Expand on ideas. For example, provide more details about how community organizations raise awareness or why biking is particularly beneficial.

3. **Word Choice**:
   - Some phrases could be more precise, such as "enhance my physical well-being," which could be replaced with "improve my fitness" for simplicity.

4. **Conclusion**:
   - The concluding sentence could be more impactful. Summarize the main points or suggest a call to action.

### Revised Example:
Green Transportation

Green transportation plays a crucial role in our daily lives, offering numerous benefits for both individuals and the environment. As far as I'm concerned, adopting green transportation methods is not just helpful and beneficial, but also essential.

To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing public transportation over private vehicles, which significantly reduces resource consumption and environmental pollution. Additionally, we can engage as volunteers in community organizations to promote awareness about the importance of green transportation. From my perspective, opting to ride a bike daily not only protects our environment but also helps me maintain good health. Biking is one of the most effective ways to enhance physical fitness while reducing our carbon footprint.

In summary, embracing green transportation options like biking is vital for conserving energy and preserving our planet for future generations. Let's all take steps towards a greener, healthier future.

中文翻译你的回复

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-24 19:57
中文翻译你的回复

根据提供的作文和评分标准，以下是评估和改进建议：

**评分：19-24（第二档）**

### 优点：
1. **内容和连贯性**：作文涵盖了与绿色交通相关的关键点，讨论了公共交通、志愿者工作以及个人选择如骑自行车。文结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。
2. **语言使用**：基本语法和词汇大多使用正确。尝试使用多种句型。

### 改进建议：
1. **语法和标点**：
   - “contributed” 应为“contribute”。
   - “trasportation” 应为“transportation”。
   - “pubic” 应改为“public”。
   - “awarness” 应为“awareness”。
   - “For my prespective,” 应为“From my perspective,”。
   - “a very important to save energy” 应为“very important for saving energy。”

2. **清晰度和风格**：
   - 行文可以更顺畅。考虑在不同观点之间使用过渡词或短语（例如：“Furthermore,” “Moreover,” “In addition”）。
   - 扩展想法。例如，提供更多关于社区组织如何提高认识的细节或骑自行车特别有益的原因。

3. **用词选择**：
   - 一些短语可以更精确，例如“enhance my physical well-being”可以简化为“improve my fitness”。

4. **结论**：
   - 结尾句可以更有影响力。总结主要观点或提出行动号召。

### 修订示例：
绿色交通

绿色交通在我们日常生活中扮演着至关重要的角色，为个人和环境提供了诸多益处。在我看来，采用绿色交通方式不仅有帮助而且是必要的。

首先，个人可以通过选择公共交通而非私家车来做出贡献，这显著减少了资源消耗和环境污染。此外，我们可以参与社区组织的志愿者活动，提高对绿色交通重要性的意识。从我的角度来看，每天选择骑自行车不仅保护环境，还帮助我保持健康。骑车是改善身体健康并减少碳足迹最有效的方式之一。

总之，像骑自行车这样的绿色交通选择对于节约能源和保护地球非常重要。让我们共同迈向一个更绿色、更健康的未来。

Green transportation plays a very important role in our lives. As a matter of fact green trasportation is good for us in many ways. As for me, green transportation is helpful, beneficial and necessary.  对该句进行评价

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-24 20:01
Green transportation plays a very important role i ...

这句话总体上表达了观点，但可以通过以下方式改进：

1. **重复**："Green transportation plays a very important role" 和 "green transportation is good for us in many ways" 含义重复，建议合并。

2. **结构和词汇**：可以使用更丰富的词汇和更精炼的表达。

3. **流畅性**：句子稍显冗长，可以简化以提高流畅度。

### 改进建议：
Green transportation is essential in our lives due to its numerous benefits; it is helpful, beneficial, and necessary for both individuals and the environment.

这样的话，不仅避免了重复，还提高了表达的简洁性和力度。

As far as I`m concerned, riding a bike is a very important to save energy.针对该句进行评价

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-24 20:10
As far as I`m concerned, riding a bike is a very i ...

这句话表达了观点，但有一些需要改进的地方：

1. **语法问题**：缺少合适的介词，需要补充“way”来使句子完整。

2. **明确性**：可以更明确地表达骑自行车如何节约能源。

### 改进建议：
As far as I'm concerned, riding a bike is a very important way to save energy.

这样修改后，句子语法正确，意思更清晰。