作文批改：Let's Save Water

Water pollution has become an increasing concerin in recent years,leading to various problems such as health risks. Without water, there can be no life on earth.It is crucial that we take effective measures to combat this issue.
To begin with, we can become volunteer in our community organmizations to raise awareness about water conservation. For example ,when washing vegetables and fruits, we can renuse the water for other purposes, such as cleaning or watering plants. This simple action can make a big difference.
Additionally, the government should take responsibility for closing down the heavily-wasting factories or individual and inplementing stricker regulatios to save water. By doing so ,we can ensure the preservation of our water resources.
In conclusion, saving water is everyone`s responsibility. If we can work together to be able to do such measures,we will getting better and better.

作文评分：第三档 15分

评估：

1. 内容要点：基本完成了试题规定的任务，提及了关键内容要点，但有一些逻辑和表达不够清晰的地方。
2. 篇章结构：文章结构基本合理，有开头、中间段落和结尾，但过渡不够流畅。
3. 语言运用：语法结构和词汇满足基本要求，但存在一些语言错误。

具体反馈与修改建议：

1. 拼写错误：
   - "concerin" 应为 "concern"
   - "renuse" 应为 "reuse"
   - "inplementing" 应为 "implementing"
   - "regulatios" 应为 "regulations"

2. 语法和措辞：
   - "volunteer in our community organmizations" 建议改为 "volunteers in our community organizations"
   - "heavily-wasting factories or individual" 应为 "heavily wasteful factories or individuals"
   - "stricker" 应为 "stricter"

3. 表达问题：
   - "make a big difference" 中的“大”相对主观，建议具体化，例如“reduce water consumption significantly.”
   - "If we can work together to be able to do such measures,we will getting better and better." 建议改为 "If we work together and implement these measures, our situation will improve significantly."

4. 逻辑和连贯性：
   - 增加一些过渡句，使得段落之间的衔接更加自然。例如，在第一段和第二段之间加入“社区行动可以与政府措施互补”这样的话。

5. 其他建议：
   - 增加具体例子或者数据来支持论点，例如引用具体的水资源数据或成功案例。
   - 确保最后的总结段明确且鼓舞人心，可以添加更多关于每个人如何在日常生活中节约用水的建议。

总体来说，文章主题明确，但需要更准确的表达和更细致的论证。

Water pollution has become an increasing concern in recent years,leading to various problems such as health risks. Without water, there can be no life on earth.It is crucial that we take effective measures to combat this issue.
To begin with, we can become volunteers in our community organizations to raise awareness about water conservation. For example ,when washing vegetables and fruits, we can reuse the water for other purposes, such as cleaning or watering plants. This simple action can make a big difference.
Additionally, the government should take responsibility for closing down the heavily wasteful factories or individuals  and implementing stricter regulations to save water. By doing so ,we can ensure the preservation of our water resources.
In conclusion, saving water is everyone`s responsibility.If we work together and implement these measures, our situation will improve significantly

sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-23 21:34
Water pollution has become an increasing concern i ...

作文评分：第二档 22分

评估：

1. 内容要点：充分完成了试题规定的任务，清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点。主题明确，逻辑清晰。
2. 篇章结构：文章结构合理，有开头、中间段落和结尾，段落之间的衔接自然。
3. 语言运用：语法结构和词汇基本正确，仅有少量小错误，不影响整体理解。

具体反馈与修改建议：

1. 标点和空格：
   - 在标点符号后面应加一个空格，例如，“for example ,when” 应改为 “for example, when”。

2. 表达改善：
   - 可以在结尾处增加更多鼓舞性的句子，以增强号召力。如：“Together, we can secure a sustainable future for our planet.”

3. 细节支持：
   - 增加一些具体的数据或事实来支持论点，比如引用特定地区因水污染而被关闭的工厂数量，或者社区节水活动的成功案例。

总体来说，文章主题鲜明，结构合理，表达准确，但可以通过增加细节和适当润色来进一步提升文章的质量。