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黄金城SA 发表于 2024-10-22 13:54 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

     It is well know that hobby is very important in our lives . As a matter of fact , hobby is good for us in many ways.For example,some people like sing , some people like dance . As for me , my favorite is playing basketball.Here are the reasons.
     First of all , playing basketball can make me happy and help me make friends . In addition , it can help me realize my self-worth and teach me some new things . Last but not least , I hope I can  become a best basketball sporter , and I also hope I have a stronge body .
     As a result , as far as I am concerned , I prefer playing basketball . palying basketball is very important , hopeful and absolutely necessary .
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-22 13:54 | 显示全部楼层
**评分:第三档(13-18分)**

**评语:**
这篇作文基本完成了试题规定的任务,提及了关键内容要点,但存在一些语法和拼写错误。整体结构简单明了,但语言使用较为单调。

**不足之处及建议:**

1. **语法和拼写错误:**
   - "It is well know" 应为 "It is well known"。
   - "like sing" 和 "like dance" 应改为 "like singing" 和 "like dancing",确保动名词形式的使用。
   - "become a best basketball sporter" 应改为 "become the best basketball player"。在此语境中,用 "the best" 更为合适,同时 "sporter" 不是标准单词,应使用 "player"。
   - "stronge" 应为 "strong"。
   - "palying" 是拼写错误,应为 "playing"。

2. **表达改进:**
   - "As a result, as far as I am concerned, I prefer playing basketball." 这句话的表达可以更直接,例如:"In conclusion, I really enjoy playing basketball."
   - "hopeful and absolutely necessary" 的使用可进一步阐述或用其他更具体的词汇替换,以增强表达,例如:"laying basketball is an essential part of my life and brings me hope."

3. **结构和内容:**
   - 可考虑增加一些具体的例子来增强文章的说服力,例如描述一次令人难忘的篮球比赛或者通过篮球结识到的重要朋友。
   - 开头部分给出的理由可以更详细,比如解释为什么这些原因对你个人尤其重要。

通过以上修改和补充,能使文章内容更加丰富且语法更加准确,从而使得其质量提升至第二档。
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