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作文批改:Fight against Haze

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sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-20 21:43 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Fight against  Haze

Haze pollution has become a growing concern in recent years, causing various harms such as health risks and traffice problems due to poor visibility. It is crucial that we take evvective measures to comnat this issue.
To begin with individual can contribue by choosing public transprtation instead of private vehicels, which helps reduce resource consumption and environmental pollutiomn. Additionally, the government should take responsibility by closing down heavily-polluting factories and implementing stricter regulations to protect the environment.
In conclusion, if we work hand in hand to implement these measures,we can creat a greener and healthier environment for everyone.
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-20 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
评分:第三档 13-18分

该作文基本完成了试题规定的任务,提及了关键内容要点,如个人和政府在治理雾霾方面的措施。但还有一些不足之处需要注意:

1. 内容要点:虽然文章提及了个别治理雾霾的措施,但相对简单,可以进一步丰富细节,比如提到使用可再生能源、提高公共交通的便利性等。

2. 篇章结构:文章结构较为清晰,但可以加入过渡句使段落间衔接更自然。此外,结尾可以增加呼吁或展望未来的内容,使结论部分更有力。

3. 语言运用:
   - 拼写错误:如“evvective”应为“effective”,“comnat”应为“combat”,“transprtation”应为“transportation”,“vehicels”应为“vehicles”,“pollutiomn”应为“pollution”,“contribue”应为“contribute”。
   - 语法建议:第一句中的“causing various harms”可以改为“causing various problems”,以避免重复使用“problems”。
   - 标点符号:建议在“measures,we”之间加空格,以保证格式正确。

建议:
- 增加详细描述和具体例子来增强说服力。
- 注意拼写和语法的准确性,避免因小错误影响整体印象。
- 可以考虑从多个角度(如经济影响、技术创新)来探讨雾霾问题及其解决方式,丰富文章内容。
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2024-10-20 21:46 | 显示全部楼层
在我的作文基础上进行修改,评分要在第二档期间
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-20 21:46 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-20 21:46
在我的作文基础上进行修改,评分要在第二档期间 ...


Fight against Haze

Haze pollution has become an increasing concern in recent years, leading to various problems such as health risks and traffic issues due to poor visibility. Therefore, it is crucial that we take effective measures to combat this issue.

To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing public transportation instead of private vehicles, which helps reduce resource consumption and environmental pollution. Moreover, people can also use energy-efficient appliances and support renewable energy sources to cut down on emissions. Additionally, the government should take responsibility by shutting down heavily polluting factories and implementing stricter regulations to protect the environment. Investing in clean energy technology and promoting green urban planning are also essential steps that authorities can take.

In conclusion, if we collaborate to implement these measures, we can create a greener and healthier environment for everyone. It is imperative that both individuals and governments take proactive roles in this fight against haze to ensure a sustainable future.
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2024-10-20 21:46 | 显示全部楼层
在你提供的作文上进行精简,字数为100字,且评分档为第二档
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-20 21:46 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-20 21:46
在你提供的作文上进行精简,字数为100字,且评分档为 ...


Fight against Haze

Haze pollution poses serious health risks and traffic problems due to poor visibility. To address this issue, individuals can use public transportation instead of private vehicles, helping to reduce emissions. Additionally, adopting energy-efficient appliances and supporting renewable energy are crucial. The government should enforce stricter environmental regulations and close heavily polluting factories. Investing in clean energy and green urban planning is vital as well. By working together, we can create a healthier environment. Both individuals and governments must act proactively to ensure a sustainable future.
sophia168118楼主 发表于 2024-10-20 21:58 | 显示全部楼层
作文再次修改:
Fight against Haze
Haze pollution has become an increasing concern in recent years, leading to various problems such as health risks and traffic issues due to poor visibility. Therefore, it is crucial that we take effective measures to combat this issue.
To begin with, individuals can contribute by choosing public transportation instead of private vehicles, which helps reduce resource consumption and environmental pollution. Additionally, the government should take responsibility by shutting down heavily polluting factories and implementing stricter regulations to protect the environment.
To be concluded, if we work together to be able to do such measures, our environment will getting better and better.
陶果果 发表于 2024-10-20 21:58 | 显示全部楼层
sophia168118 发表于 2024-10-20 21:58
作文再次修改:
Fight against Haze
Haze pollution h ...


Fight against Haze

Haze pollution is an increasing concern, causing health risks and traffic issues. It's crucial to take effective measures to combat it. Individuals can use public transportation, reducing resource consumption and pollution. Additionally, the government should close heavily polluting factories and implement stricter environmental regulations. By working together on these measures, we can improve our environment for everyone.
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