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Exercise Every Day

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黄金城SA 发表于 2024-10-15 17:56 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
      It is well known that exercise is very important in our lives.As a matter of fact,exercise is good for us in many ways.For example,in order to my health,I usually do exercise.some people like playing basketball,some people like playing football.As for me,my favorite sport is playing basketball.Here are the reasons.
      First of all,playing basketball is very meaningful,it can keep my health and make me have a strong body.In addition,it can help me realize my self-worth by taking part in games.Last but not least,it can help me make friends when playing basketball,and I can spend more time with my teacher and friends.
      As a result,as far as I am concernd,I can keep exercise every day.
王艳 发表于 2024-10-15 17:56 | 显示全部楼层
This essay on the importance of daily exercise aims to persuade readers of its benefits by focusing on the author's personal experience with playing basketball. Here is an evaluation based on the provided scoring guidelines:

**Content and Structure:**

- The essay attempts to emphasize the importance of exercise, specifically basketball, in maintaining good health, discovering self-worth, and building social connections.
- It follows a simple structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, although it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas.
- However, the main content can be expanded. For instance, explaining how basketball helps in realizing self-worth or why it's particularly the author's favorite could strengthen the argument.

**Language Use:**

- The language used is generally understandable, but several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings are present. For example:
  - "in order to my health" should be "for my health."
  - "As far as I am concernd" should be "As far as I am concerned."
- Some sentences are short and choppy, which affects the overall flow of the essay. Complex sentences could improve readability.
- Vocabulary is limited and somewhat repetitive ("exercise," "basketball"). Diversifying word choice would enhance the essay.
  
**Suggestions for Improvement:**

1. **Expand Content:** Provide more examples and elaborate on points mentioned, such as how basketball contributes to self-worth or fitness.
2. **Enhance Structure:** Use transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly between sentences and paragraphs.
3. **Correct Grammar:** Pay attention to grammar and sentence construction, ensuring correct use of prepositions and articles.
4. **Diversify Vocabulary:** Introduce synonyms and new terms related to sports and fitness to avoid repetition and maintain reader interest.
5. **Clarify Points:** Clearly demarcate reasons or benefits to strengthen the logical flow of arguments.

**Overall Score: Third tier (13-18 points)**

The essay generally meets the task's requirements regarding thematic focus but falls short in linguistic accuracy and depth of content. To raise its score, addressing grammar issues and enriching content with more detailed examples and varied vocabulary is essential.
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