作文批改并评分

Physical exercise
It is often said that‘life lies in movement’ ,physical exercise is a necessary part of people life,physical exercise is very beneficial to people's physical health.From my perspective,it is undoubtedly that physical exercise is one of the keys to a healthy life,especially running.the reasons why i believe so are listed as below.
The first point that I want to mention is that running increases lifespan and that is because it improves your immunity which guards against diseases.secondly,it is easy for us to understand that running helps people to sleep better,which is because the fatigue from running helps runners fall asleep more quickly and easily.Then what we have to admit that runners could easily keep a running habit ,the reason behind this running with friends is fun and relaxing.last but not the least to attending sports activities can help people build a strong body and keep energetic , physical exercise is an effective way to release pressure and keep a pleasant mood,because by attending physical activities that people can have chances to interact and communicate with others,which can help them improve their social skills.
So from what i mention above ,we can easily come to the conclude that everyone should not hesitate to attend sports activities.All in all ,happiness comes from sports，health comes from sports,I get a lot benefit from physical exercise ,After all running increases lifespan and helps people sleep better and could easily keep a running habit.
请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

作文打分：第二档（19-24分）

评语：
1. 文章中提到了运动对身体健康的益处，有生病几率降低的提出了观点，并列举了跑步的好处。
2. 第一段对文章主题进行了明确陈述，但是缺乏具体论证和例子来支持观点，主要是用了描述性的语言。
3. 第二段和第三段分别阐述了跑步对睡眠和保持运动习惯的积极影响，并提供了相关解释，但没有具体的例子或实证数据来支持论点。
4. 最后一段提到了参加体育活动可以帮助人们建立强壮的身体和保持愉快的心情，但同样缺乏具体例子或实证数据来支持观点。
5. 文章存在一些语法错误和表达不够准确的地方，如句子结构混乱、词汇选择不准确等。

改进建议：
1. 在提出观点后，展开论证并提供具体的例子、实证数据或研究结果来支持观点，这样可以使论点更有说服力。
2. 注意语法准确性和表达清晰性，避免句子结构混乱和词汇选择不准确的情况。
3. 尽量避免描述性的语言，而是要用更具体、明确和有力的语言来表达观点和论证。

王艳 发表于 2023-10-28 21:15
作文打分：第二档（19-24分）

评语：

修改并评分，谢谢

cui568057345 发表于 2023-10-28 21:15
修改并评分，谢谢

Physical Exercise

It is often said that "life lies in movement". Physical exercise is a necessary part of people's lives as it is very beneficial to physical health. From my perspective, physical exercise, especially running, is undoubtedly one of the keys to a healthy life. The reasons why I believe so are listed below.

Firstly, running increases lifespan by improving our immunity, which guards against diseases. Secondly, running helps people sleep better as the fatigue from running helps them fall asleep more quickly and easily. Additionally, running with friends can make it easier for individuals to maintain a running habit because it is fun and relaxing.

Last but not least, participating in sports activities helps people build a strong body and stay energetic. Physical exercise is also an effective way to release stress and maintain a pleasant mood. By participating in physical activities, people have the opportunity to interact and communicate with others, which helps improve their social skills.

In conclusion, everyone should not hesitate to participate in sports activities. Happiness and health come from sports. I have personally benefited greatly from physical exercise. Running not only increases lifespan and improves sleep quality, but it also allows for the development of a regular exercise routine.

评分：第二档（19-24分）

改进意见：
1. 文章在提到观点后，给出了一些例子和解释来支持论点，但仍然可以进一步加强，并添加更具体的实证数据或研究结果来支持观点的可信度。
2. 语法错误和表达不够准确的地方已经有所改善，但仍需继续注意句子结构和词汇的准确性。
3. 文章中的段落结构和连接需要更清晰明确，可以通过使用过渡词或段落间的逻辑关系来增强段落之间的连贯性。

综上所述，希望以上修改和建议对您有所帮助。祝您写作顺利！