Overall, this is a well-written essay with clear organization and strong supporting points. However, there are a few areas where improvements can be made.
In terms of grammar, there are a few minor errors throughout the essay. For example, in the first sentence, it should be "The reason why people love to travel is not only to reach their destination but also to enjoy the fun of the journey." Additionally, in the second paragraph, it should be "Visiting different places and experiencing different views helps me understand the vastness of the world, making my own troubles seem insignificant." These errors do not significantly impact the clarity of the essay, but they should still be corrected for grammatical accuracy.
Furthermore, it would be helpful to provide some specific examples or anecdotes to support your points. For instance, you could share a personal experience about how traveling to a new place broadened your horizons or made you realize the vastness of the world. Adding these specific details will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Lastly, consider expanding on your final point about what one gains from the travel experience. How does traveling contribute to personal growth or self-discovery? By elaborating on this point, you can provide a more well-rounded argument about the benefits of travel.
In terms of grading, I would assign this essay a score of 85 out of 100. With a few improvements in grammar and the addition of more specific examples, it has the potential to be an even stronger piece of writing. |