作文修改与评分

Recently,more and more people are talking about the meaning of traveling.From my perspective,it is totally undoubted that to travel is a wonderful thing for me.The reasons why i believe so are listed as below.

The first point that i want to mention is that travel is a good way to relax. It allows you to fully embrace nature and witness the beauty of the scenery.when you are upset, it can help pull you out of depression.What is more,it is easily for us to understand that travel is a process of discovery of beauty,which is because not only it allows me to enjoy the great rivers and mountain of the motherland,but also enrich my life and fields my vision.

From what i mentioned above,we can easily come to conclusion that travel is a good way to relax.After all, it greatly enrich my life and fields my vision.

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

According to the given scoring criteria, I would give this essay a score of 20 points, which falls into the second category.

The essay successfully addresses the topic of the meaning of traveling and emphasizes the author's belief that traveling is a wonderful thing. The main points are clearly stated - travel is a good way to relax and it allows for the discovery of beauty. However, there are some shortcomings in terms of language usage and organization that prevent the essay from scoring higher.

In terms of language usage, there are several errors throughout the essay. For example, "undoubted" should be replaced with "undeniable" to convey the intended meaning. Additionally, the sentence structure and word choice could be improved to enhance clarity and coherence. The essay also lacks variation in sentence structure, which makes it less engaging to read.

Furthermore, the organization of the essay could be strengthened. The essay starts with a general statement about the meaning of travel but does not provide a clear introduction or thesis statement that guides the reader. Additionally, the body paragraphs could be expanded to provide more specific examples and arguments to support the author's belief that travel is a good way to relax and discover beauty.

Overall, while the essay successfully addresses the topic and has a clear main point, there is room for improvement in terms of language usage and organization. With some revisions and further development of the ideas, the essay could be more persuasive and coherent.