辣条作文评分并修改

Dear Tom,

This is Li Ke from Beijing. The reason that l am writing to you is because I want to share my views about my career choice for the future and express my strong desire to become a doctor.

Besides of that, here goes another thing that I think is important, which is that I have always had a great interest in Chinese medicine, which is known for its magical effects.

Lastly, I believe you should know this at the very end of my letter, and that if I become a doctor, I will be able to apply what I have learned to relieve patients' pain and even save lives.

I appreciate your time for reading my letter and I am looking forward to your reply. I hope everything goes well with your life.

Best regards

Li Ke

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

Dear Tom,

This is Li Ke from Beijing. I am writing to share my views on my future career choice and express my strong desire to become a doctor.

Firstly, I have always had a great interest in Chinese medicine, which is known for its magical effects. I believe that by becoming a doctor, I will be able to apply what I have learned to relieve patients' pain and even save lives.

I understand that the road to becoming a doctor is challenging and requires years of hard work and dedication. However, I am willing to put in the effort because I am passionate about helping others and making a positive impact on their lives.

Furthermore, the field of medicine is constantly evolving, and there are always new discoveries and advancements to learn from. This keeps me motivated and excited about the possibilities that being a doctor can bring.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that pursuing a career in medicine as a doctor is the right path for me. I am confident in my ability to make a difference in people's lives and contribute to the medical field. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I look forward to your reply.

Best regards,
Li Ke

评分：第二档(19-24分)

修改建议：
1. 语言运用方面，文章整体语言较为流畅，但还可以进一步提升表达的准确性和恰当性。注意避免使用过于普通或常用的词汇和表达方式，可以尝试一些更具代表性和地道的词汇和短语。
2. 句子结构和连词的使用上，可以多样化一些，增加句子的复杂度和表达的丰富性。
3. 文章结构方面，可以在每个段落中明确表述一个主题或观点，以增强文章的逻辑性和连贯性。同时，也可以考虑增加一些具体的例子、经历或者实证来支持自己的观点和愿望。