作文评分并修改

Dear Tom,

This is Li Ke from Beijing. The reason that l am writing to you is because I want to share my views about my career choice for the future.

Besides of that, here goes another thing that I think is important, which is that I am dying to be a doctor.If I am a doctor, I can make use of what I have learned to relieve patients’ pains and even save their lives.

Lastly, I believe you should know this at the very end of my letter, and that I have always shown great interest in Chinese medicine, which features magic effect.

I appreciate your time for reading my letter and I am looking forward to your reply. I hope everything goes well with your life.

Best regards

Li Ke

请按照作文类型以及评分标准对上面的作文进行打分，并指出不足

1)评分原则

本题总分为30分，按5个档次评分。

阅卷人应就总体印象给分，而不是按照语言错误的数量扣分。

评分时，先根据文章的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定其所属的档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数，最后给分应避免分数趋中现象，即不能只给中间档次的分数，该给高分时就应给高分(包含满分)，该给低分时就应给低分(包含0分)。

拼写和标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面。评分时，应视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑，英式、美式拼写及用法均可接受。

如书写较差难以辨认，以致影响交际，或字数明显少于要求，将分数降低一个档次

2)评分标准

第一档    25-30分：圆满完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部内容要点。
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务要求
语言运用较为准确、恰当

第二档    19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务

清楚地表达了全部或关键内容要点
运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求
语言运用基本正确，虽有小错，但不影响理解

第三档    13-18分：基本完成了试题规定的任务

提及了关键内容要点(可能漏掉了个别内容)
运用的语法结构和词汇满足任务的最低要求
存在一些语言错误，但基本不影响理解

第四档    7-12分：完成了一部分试题规定的任务

遗漏或未能清楚表达内容要点
语法结构和词汇单调。
语言错误较多，部分错误影响理解

第五档1-6分：未完成试题规定的任务

明显遗漏内容要点
语法结构和词汇极单调
语言错误很多，严重影响理解

0分：所传达的信息或所用语言太少，无法评价；所写内容与题目要求完全无关

Dear Tom,

This is Li Ke from Beijing. I am writing to share my views on my future career choice and express my strong desire to become a doctor.

If I become a doctor, I will be able to apply what I have learned to relieve patients' pain and even save lives. I have always had a great interest in Chinese medicine, which is known for its magical effects.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I am looking forward to your reply and hope everything is going well with your life.

Best regards,
Li Ke

评分原则：
根据作文的内容要点、篇章结构和语言运用初步确定所属档次，然后依照该档次的具体要求酌情增减分数。

评分标准：
第二档 19-24分：完成了试题规定的任务，清楚地表达了关键内容要点，运用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的基本要求，语言运用基本正确。

修改：
Dear Tom,

This is Li Ke from Beijing. I am writing to share my views on my future career choice and express my strong desire to become a doctor.

Becoming a doctor is my dream because it allows me to utilize the knowledge I have acquired to relieve patients' pain and even save lives. There is no greater satisfaction than making a positive impact on someone's health and well-being.

In addition to my passion for medicine, I have always been fascinated by Chinese medicine, which is known for its magical effects and holistic approach to healing. I believe that combining modern medical practices with traditional Chinese medicine can provide the best care for patients.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I truly appreciate your guidance and advice on pursuing a career in the medical field. I am looking forward to your reply and hope everything is going well with your life.

Best regards,
Li Ke