作文批改及评分

Green Transportation-
I do a lot of things to support green transportation, such as riding a bike,taking a bus and walking. Personally, I prefer riding a bike.

When I was a little child, I did not know how to ride a bike. My mother taught me to ride a bike after dinner every day. After I grow up, I learn to ride a bike by myself. Shortly afterwards, I teach my boy to ride a bike every day as
well. I am used to riding a bike to work. Till now, it is my favorite. The primary
factor is that it helps me to get a healthy body and reduce pollution.
   I hope that everyone can enjoy the fun of riding a bike, which is really helpful for our environment.

Green Transportation - I do a lot of things to support green transportation, such as riding a bike, taking a bus, and walking. Personally, I prefer riding a bike.

When I was a little child, I did not know how to ride a bike. My mother taught me to ride a bike after dinner every day. After I grew up, I learned to ride a bike by myself. Shortly afterwards, I also taught my son to ride a bike every day. I am used to riding a bike to work, and it has become my favorite mode of transportation. The primary factor is that it helps me maintain a healthy body and reduces pollution. I hope that everyone can enjoy the fun of riding a bike, which is really helpful for our environment.

Overall, your essay effectively promotes green transportation and emphasizes the benefits of riding a bike. You clearly express your preference for riding a bike and provide personal experiences to support your opinion. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Organization: Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Consider adding a brief introductory paragraph to provide an overview of the topic and a concluding paragraph to summarize your main points and reinforce your message.

2. Sentence structure: Your sentences are generally clear and concise. However, some sentences could be revised to improve their clarity and flow. For example, instead of saying "Shortly afterwards, I teach my boy to ride a bike every day as well," consider rephrasing it as "Shortly afterwards, I started teaching my son to ride a bike every day as well."

3. Grammar and punctuation: There are a few minor errors in grammar and punctuation throughout your essay. Carefully review your writing to ensure correct usage of commas, periods, and capitalization. For example, "After I grow up" should be "After I grew up" and "as well" should be "too."

4. Development: While your personal experiences are valuable, it would enhance your essay to provide additional evidence or examples of how riding a bike contributes to a healthy body and reduces pollution. You could also explore the environmental benefits of other green transportation options, such as taking public transportation or walking.

Based on the above analysis, I would give your essay a score of 7 out of 10. With some revisions to improve organization, sentence structure, grammar, and further development of your ideas, you can elevate your essay and effectively promote the importance of green transportation.

修改为更完美的作文

王红莉 发表于 2023-10-07 22:01
修改为更完美的作文

Green Transportation: Supporting a Sustainable Future

I actively engage in various practices to promote green transportation, including cycling, using public buses, and walking. Among these options, I find riding a bike particularly appealing. As a child, I did not initially possess the skill of riding a bike. However, my mother dedicated herself to teaching me this valuable skill after dinner each day. With time, I became proficient and even took the initiative to teach my own son how to ride a bike. Riding a bike has now become an integral part of my daily routine, particularly for commuting. Its numerous benefits, such as enhancing personal fitness and reducing pollution, have solidified my preference for this mode of transportation.

Riding a bike provides significant advantages, both for individuals and the environment. Firstly, it contributes to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. By regularly cycling, I have improved my physical fitness and mental well-being. Additionally, it helps to prevent traffic congestion and reduce air pollution. Unlike motor vehicles, bikes do not emit harmful gases into the atmosphere, making them an eco-friendly option. The more people choose cycling over other modes of transportation, the greater the positive impact on our environment.

I encourage everyone to experience the joy of biking and actively contribute to the sustainability of our planet. The benefits extend beyond personal health and environmental impact; biking also fosters a sense of freedom and connection to one's surroundings. It allows individuals to immerse themselves in the beauty of nature, whether it be the picturesque view along a scenic route or the vibrant city streets bustling with life.

In conclusion, green transportation is of paramount importance, and I firmly believe that riding a bike is one of the most effective ways to support this cause. With its numerous benefits for both individuals and the environment, biking offers a sustainable solution for everyday travel. By embracing this mode of transportation, we can collectively make a significant difference and create a greener future for generations to come.

Overall, your essay has been significantly improved. The content flows more smoothly, and the arguments are well-developed. You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively capturing the reader's attention and summarizing your main points. Additionally, your sentences are concise and coherent, contributing to the overall clarity of your writing. There are only a few minor grammatical errors that could be addressed with careful proofreading. With these revisions, I would rate your essay an 8.5 out of 10. Well done!